My son has lived with his paternal granddad since his was 4.He's now 15. I was ill when he went to live there and by the time I was better he was already settled so he remained there. He lives about 250 miles from me and his father but we talk constanlty and I see him regularly and am to take him on holiday next month.
My son's father and I do not communicate at all except through lawyers.My son's grandfather is in his late 70's and my son has really been a carer to him since he was 9 years old. I was getting very worried about the responsibllites my son had which included washing clothes, dishes, shopping, getting his grandfather out of/ into bed, etc. He's a very good student but was under pressure. My son told me I could speak with his head of year to at least let her know what was going on. I did so but my son's father got angry and my son relayed to me that his dad doesn't see what all the fuss is about. My son then took his Dad's side and put the phone down on me. I feel hurtAdvice needed about my teenage son.. should I take him on holiday now?
I think you should take your son on holiday and build a proper relationship with him. He's obviously feeling a lot of pressure from looking after his Grandfather and confided in you hoping that you could help only to have it backfire, when his Father caught wind of it, don't back out now.
I'm sorry but the feeling I'm getting from your story is that your son is being used by his Father as a f/t carer because he can't be bothered to look after his own Father, why should he when he's got a live in skivvy!!
Earn your son's trust, bond with him and show him there's another option when he's passed his exams, that you'll be there to support him or help him find somewhere else to live, I mean he'll cope perfectly well living alone or with you if you've got a good relationship.
Good luck and God bless....xAdvice needed about my teenage son.. should I take him on holiday now?
He is a child. And I'm sure he is being pressured into thinking allot of different things. By not calling him back or taking him on a holiday you are being very petty and childish yourself. Maybe he is better off where he is.
Your son is hurting and confused. Sometimes teenagers rage against those they love the most - those they trust. Continue to show him you care and love him - that you want to be part of his life. Sometimes listening is what they need, not necessarily action. It is often better to reflect and check before acting - and always better to let teenager know what you are going to do so that some control is retained by him. He is demonstrating a high level of responsibility and would be able to think things through for himself with a sympathetic ear.
By talking to the school you've raised a flag by his name. Hopefully now, regardless what his dad tells them, they will keep an eye out for him. Forgive your son he's just trying to please everybody (an impossible task).
You seem to be all over the place there you really need to sit down with someone who will listen to you, if you really get stuck i guess you could go to ur local gp and they will send you to some help thats all i could think of there might be partents advice help lines or something...
I'm a tad confused by your story! Who's side of the family is the granddad, yours or the fathers? No matter which it is, you and the young mans father have given up the rights to him and your son feels his granddad is his parent and in that regard is only too happy to help him in his hour of need, as grandad did for him. In my eyes the only way forward for you is to gain a young man's respect and work with him to help the only real parent he knows.
take him away on holiday ,although he may feel guilty about leaving his grandfather if he relies on him so much. I would contact social services and ask that a carer be allocated to the grandfather. Explain the situation, they will understand your concerns. This will give your son space to be the child that he is without feeling guilty
How sad that adults must use attorneys to communicate. That is your son, so if his dad is too childish to speak with you regarding his LIFE - then poo-poo on him. You obviously do not owe him anything and now that your son is 15 -he can make some decisions on his own, obviously. Worry only about the things you can control, the rest is left up to others...Good Luck
Yes it will be tough on you, and will hurt, but you have to swallow this and still continue to support your son in any way that he needs - even if you get knocked back for what you try to do. He is your son, and as you said he has a lot of responsibility, being only 15 years old he is confused and probably just wants an easy life. Be there for him and forgive him when he seems not to appreciate it. Take him on holiday with you; don鈥檛 punish him for this as it could end up severing any possible relationship that you might have with him when he is older.
This is a real tough time for all of you. I think you must go visit your son and sit down to talk to him face to face. You have to clear all this up and be strong.
take him to the zoo. a lot can be learned from the way animals interact with their young.
yes, bring him along..GOD bless u
I think you should try to build a really strong relationship with your son now,He most properly resents you in someways but you were ill and that wasn't your fault, Can't you move closer to him so you can spend more time with him? (This is not criticism) what will happenen when the grandad dies where will your son live then?
Okay you feel hurt, that's understandable. But even if he were living with you he'd still rant at you for no reason cos he is a teenager. So don't feel hurt - he only wants to blame you cos his dad got hysterical that someone had raised the problem.....
Problem here is dad is a selfish git - he is happy to let your son take on the care of his father, depsite being the piggy in the middle of a very bitter split and despite having schoolwork.
You now have to play the part of good cop, dad's done bad cop bit so I would text him and say ';Sorry if I caused any trouble, I 'll be more careful in future'; and leave it at that.
The he will feel a horror for taking his upset out on you and will get in touch.
Long term I suggest when you get him on holiday raise the possibility of him coming to live with you after GCSE when he is 16 and continuing his education there, and then dad can look after grandad and see what all the fuss is about for himself.
Keep your chin upXX
Head teachers are used to dealing with warring parents. She will be able to judge the situation for herself. What concerns me is that your son has been a carer since he was nine. What is his father doing to help? He sounds like a bully, and maybe your son is at the end of his tether.
Continue speaking to the head, have you met her face to face? If you are the one to explain things calmly, it will go in your favour. Has anyone tried speaking to his Grandad? A 15 year old boy should not be living like this.
Take him on holiday, he really deserves it. Be patient, he is only 15, and has had a rough deal.
Personally, i think that your Son is a very noble son looking after his grandfather like that, I realy do admire people like your son, i really hope everything works out well for you and your son.
I think that if you make up with him, and show him how much you do care, he will come around. I can see that he is already a caring young man and is able to love. So i don't see why he cant show that love to you.
But remember, love is a two way thing, you give respect to get respect, so speak to him appreciating how he feels and im sure he'll do the same.
Good Luck my friend.
still take him teenagers have a lot of things going on in their heads you shud tell your ex husband that he is not right putting things in your sons head .
I wud still take him and have a great time just you and him and leave everything else behind for a few weeks
TAKE HIM AND BOND WITH HIM FORGIVE HIM HE FORGIVES U BOND WITH HIM HE'S UR SON
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