Teenage Girls - A mom who needs your advice?

I have a 19 year old daughter who is in her second year of community college....she lives at home, works and goes to school..We are having so many problems..She absolutely HATES me, and anything I say or do..I hurts me so bad. I am a stay at home mom to her and her 10 year old brother, will and have done anything for either of them....We gave her our newest car (2005) and she has taken over the payments on it...(Most of the time she is a little short, so we give her what she needs in order to pay the monthly payment. She has had three accidents with this car and 3 tickets since January.. She is always leaving very late for school or work. Last year her GPA was 2.8....She is capable of sooo much better. Now this year she is always leaving very late for school or work., she goes out every nite. We have told her that when she has school, she must be home by midnight. and she usually is.....when she is home she is sleeping. has no responsibilities around the house. Next year she wants to transfer to a state school and stay on campus.All we do is fight and argue, about school, money,the accidents, the tickets, her sleeping, her dirty laundry, her dirty car, her grades, her credit cards (which are maxed out) everything. Could any of you teenagers give me any advice. I do not want to argue with her, but she is taking complete advantage of us and giving nothing in return. I have tried to just leave her alone, but she only gets more out out control....Please let me know your thoughts from your viewpoint. Teenage Girls - A mom who needs your advice?
Please do yourself a favour and don't take any of what these idiots on Y!A have to say seriously. you can take in some of their suggestions but i would never advise you to do as they say word for word like taking away her car and letting her fall flat on her ***.





You can seriously damage whatevers left of you and your daughters relationship all because a bunch of unqualified idiots on the internet had an opinion that they couldn't keep to themselves.





Truthfully, i dont know what to tell you accept maybe this. im 17, and i moved out of my mothers house 3 years ago. me and my mother have never able to get along and alot of it is because she's too set in her ways to ever admit she was wrong. she convinced herself that she cared about me and my siblings but had alot of trouble proving it. her ';lessons'; and methods were just too extreme and unlogical for me to learn anything except how much i can't stand her.





I don't like broadcasting how much i dislike my mother because it only makes me look like the ungreatful one but im only trying to make a point (which im kinda struggling to do - i guess you'd just have to hear the whole story).





Maybe you can learn from my mothers mistakes, i always felt her approach was too in your face. every time she confronted me i felt like i was under attack. my mom would always remind me of everything she'd done for me (which wasn't nearly as much as she thought she had) and that would only aggrivate and annoy me because she was obligated to do for me from the minute i was born. its not like she did it out of the goodness of her heart. she freaking had to she was my mother. she always let me know how much of a failure i was when it came to school or anything like that, as if i didn't already beat myself up over it.





I suggest that you speak to her in calm demeanor without accusing or insulting her in any way. don't bring up how low her grades are or don't remind her of how often you add on to her car payments and how you provide a roof and all that. TRUST me even though she doesn't mention her appreciation; shes greatful for it all.





If worse comes to worse and voices are raised and you really just don't have any fight left in you and don't know what to say, let her know that you'll never EVER give up on her. thats all she needs to hear; even if it doesn't calm her down right then. she'll think about it before she goes to sleep. she'll take it to heart. keep telling her that you'll NEVER give up on her. then prove it to her.





I wish to god my mom would have told me something like that. i wouldn't resent her as much as i do today.Teenage Girls - A mom who needs your advice?
tough love honey. worked for me.





stop helping her out financially. that way she'll get serious about work and stop going out, spending money on the alcohol she's not legally allowed to drink, etc.





and jesus christ, take away the car. make that executive decision for your daughter's SAFETY.
my sister does the same thing, but it was alot worse, she actually started beating up my dad.





anyways, you just cutt her off of everything until she realizes how much she needs you and that she cant take advantage of you like that. that's what i told my dad to do and it worked.
Seems like you know what the problem is. You give, give and give and don't get anything of value in return (i.e. good grades, help around the house, RESPECT). Practice a little tough love. Take away some of the privileges and she might change some of her ways.
Try to see her point in whatever you're arguing about. Don't yell. Don't immediately snap at her. Let her calmly say how she feels (or better yet, ask her) and what she wants. Then say how you feel and what you want. Eventually you will work something out.
Your right. She is taking advantage of you. You should tell her if she wants to live in your house, she's gonna have to follow your rules and not be disrespectful. A little tough love never hurt anybody. Good Luck.
I'd suggest making her pay rent, or have her be completely responsible for her expenses. She is still living in your house, under your rules. no matter the age. But that's a tough problem. sorry i couldn't be more help
Shes just going through a phase. And if she moves away for school she will be forced to be more responsible and your relationship will probably be better.
Instant Message me.
Well my mom control me and she hits me now i am respecting her. And i also love my mother because she hit for a purpose
Ur a grown woman and i really dont think u should be arguing with ur daughter i mean i know u only mean right when u argue with her but if she can argue back she must be grown and if she wants to play independent than let her do just that let her pay her own bills leave her laundry alone listen what im trying to say is leave her literally alone u can not keep on babying her stop giving her money i know it will be hard on her and maybe u at first u have a son to take care of and im sure he is pretty tired of hearing u two argue stop being a mother to her act like she is a person living with u stop doing everything for her once she realizes u have washed ur hands with her she will turn around and maybe understand or she will get her self together let her do **** on her own and if she wants to argue take ur son and go out or go in ur room and lock the door and relax if u cant do that then u need to be busting her ***!!
i also believe in tough love.


i know it's hard to do, but you have to let her be and when she's miserable and needs your help she'll clean herself up.


i know you've tried leaving her alone already, but leave her alone even more and don't help her unless she's completely and utterly desperate.





hope i could help


best of luck to you %26amp; your daughter
I am not a teenage girl. I am not sure if my view can be accepted in your case, but I'll try to help.


Your daughter behaviour is unacceptable with no excuses.


She has nice mom and receive always support from her but nothing can return to just say thanks and I appreciate you for what you have done and still continuing to do as a good mother and best friend.


She must learn a lesson about LIFE meaning and not from anyone but you as her mother.


Talk with her and explain to her that if she continue to have life as now she may end in a big trouble by doing mistakes.


Tell her that you don't want her to make fool of you and your family.


Tell her that you love her and support for good, but you can not do things for her when she is enjoying only her imagined life and not having time for reality like school and other responsibilities in the house and elsewhere.Say that she must see some help like to take counselling sessions as a professional help and opinion for her behaviour, cause she does not listen to you as her mom and maybe it will be easier for her to talk with a person counsellor.


They can help to open her mind and start realizing her negativities.
I'm 17, and think the fair thing to do would be to take away her credit cards until she can pay for them, or at least raise her gpa to a 3.25. she should take some responsibilty around the house too. If she lives there then she should take some part into taking care of it. As far as arguing she is probly just really stressed about school and handling a job.
As i read this I saw very clear reasons for your daughters behavior. ';she is capable of so much better'; is like saying to her, your not good enough, which is like shooting her in her mental head with a gun. Presenting her with true valueless garbage like newer vehicles and expecting a better result from her is like personal blackmail and such activity commands your daughters misbehavior in the very least. My advice, sell all of your access belongings keep only what you need to live off of in the bank and give the rest in cash to bums living on the street in your area. Don't watch any more hollywood movies or lying media news. Sincerely care for those around you and if you cant stand them, try to understand why you cant. After doing this for a while your daughter should perk up a bit and start to be normal. Most of parenting is about example...please listen to this
i'm 22 years old...and i'm not sure what it's like to be a mother of a 19 year old defiant teenager but here's what is an tell you. she is 19 years old. if she transfers to a college on campus it really will probably take a lot of stress off of you. start making her be responsible for her own decidisions though. if she wants to use the car and stay under your roof she needs to come up with the entire payment of the car. if she wants to go off to college she needs to know that she will be responsible for paying off those credit cards she has. she needs to be paying for her car insurance if she's not already and needs to pay for her tickets. i don't know who is paying for the schooling but if any loans are in her name she might care more about her grades. she's an adult now. she needs to be responsible for her own actions.





don't try to stress out too badly. 3 years ago when i was her age i was also getting into car accidents and skipping classes at school and whatever. my parents made me pay for the car insurance, gas, credit cards, school. all the loans i took out for school are in my name. i did eventually grow up and i consider myself a very functional 22 year old. i've changed dramatically over the past few years.





but let her go to a school where she stays on campus. but remind her that she'll be responsible for any finances. this will put more burden on her- which she needs to grow up- and less burden on you. if she's away you might still worry every day about her, but it's from a distance and you won't know that she's late for work or that she's not doing laundry etc.





good luck whatever you do.
well i am not a teenager but have raised 3 of them so I know a thing or two. Sorry to say but its way to late. Really its to late now discipline and responsibilities have to start way before now. Get her out of your place as quick as you can and let her sink or swim. The lessons you should have been teaching her 15 years ago she will have to learn on her on like on the job training. Don't worry she will be all right its time for tough love.
well, i just want to know if you spoiled her when she was small? if yes, then this is what parents get if they spoil their child... well, if i were you, this is what you should do... give her ONE credit card, or if possible, just give her an allowance for a month. let her get a job for her to know the value of money. DONT LET HER ANGER GET TO YOU! if she said something bad to you THEN GROUND HER! think, your letting her disrespect you! and your the mom! LET HER KNOW THE BOSS! if she doesnt have the money to pay her car, LET HER BE! because if you continue to give her everything she needs, how would she know your worth as her mom?? if she has parking tickets, LET HER PAY FOR THEM... if you continue to give her what she wants and soesnt put your foot down, she would just keep on doing what she wants, because she knows that SHE CONTROLS YOU! i know it hurts to see suppress your child from what she wants... but remember, YOUR THE PARENT! AND YOU CONTROL HER... ITS NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND! SET UP SOME RULES, DONT DO HER LAUNDRY, AND GROUND HER IF SHE DOESNT OBLIGE TO YOUR RULES. trust me, you have to control your child.
being a teenager i guess im required to be on her side but on this case sorry no...ur daughter is 19 an adult she should`ve grown up by now...mothers and daughters argue thats just how it is...i understand she`s family and u love her to death...but she has to learn that the world is a scary place without her loved ones...tell her that if she doesnt clean up her act she can leave
Tell her that you don't want an argument, but you feel like she doesn't love %26amp; respect you like she should.





I'm not a teenager. I'm a mom too %26amp; your daughter seems to have no respect for you. She has it too easy, a car for FREE And you do all of the chores do you wipe her butt when she goes to the bathroom? I don't think so, but sometimes you feel like she'd expect you to.





I hate to say this, but you're making it way TOO easy for her. I would maybe let her keep the car, but she should be making any payments BY HERSELF (even if she's short a nickel- YOU DON'T HAVE IT) She should be doing chores as long as she's under you're roof %26amp; a curfew should be set (that way she can get the sleep she's probably missing that makes her late for work or school).
Hm, Im not too sure on what you could really do. That's just how she is. I never used to get along with my parents either but that was throught middle school and some highschool. Im 20 years old now and me and my mom get along fine. We still get into some arguments but who doesnt? Seems like she doesnt realize all youve done for her. She just thinks about getting what she wants. She'll have to eventually get along with you, but shes still only 19.
I have a daughter who is kind of like that.


I found her an apartment. And, kicked her out. You're enabling her. I gave my daughter a car. She abused it, i took it back. It's in my driveway right now. It's so hard, you want to do everything for them but that does nothing really, actually it cripples them and, it is completely unappreciated. I would tell her she needs to get a job and be ready to move out by the semester break. She is an adult and needs to act like one. It works, my daughter is 18 and she gets it now. And, yes, she struggles at times but if SHE can't deal with the struggles of adulthood then I'm the one who failed her really.
SHE'S A SPOILED BRAT....SHE WANTS YOUR ATTENTION ALL OF THE TIME....STOP LETTING HER KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CARE ALTHOUGH YOU SHOULD BECAUSE YOU'RE HER MOTHER,,BUT JUST PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN,,,MAYBE YOU'RE NOT TALKING TO HER IN THE RITE TONE...ON THE OTHER HAND, THERE MAY BE SOMETHING GOING ON IN HER OTHER ';STREET LIFE';((AT SKOOL OR WORK)) THAT YOU MAY WANT TO CONSIDER SITTING HER DOWN AND TALKING WITH HER ABOUT IT....THERE MAY BE SOMETHING IN HER PAST THAT SHE KANT FORGIVE YOU AND HER FATHER FOR...YOU MAY BE GIVING HER BROTHER MORE ATTENTION THAN SHE IS RECEIVING BUT THAT JUST KANT BE POSSIBLE WHEN SHE HAS A CAR, GOING TO COLLEGE, AND MONEY....SHE SHUD BE DISCIPLINED A LITTLE MORE OFTEN NO MATTER THE AGE ((OTHER THAN YOU TALKING TO HER ABOUT EVERYTHING))


IF SHE DO SOMETHING THAT YOU DONT LIKE AND HER CONSEQUENCES IS JUST A SIT-DOWN TALK....SHE'S NOT GONNA STOP BECAUSE SHE KNOWS IN THE FUTURE...THATS ALL IT'LL BE!!!CHANGE IT UP A LIL








-HOPE I HELPED
My dad would never let me get out of line like that.





I had a truck my parents helped me get but when I couldn't afford to pay for it, I was no longer able to drive it. If I required help to pay for it then I wasn't allowed to waste gas money. My mom payed off my credit cards and ran up a tab for me. I payed her the money I had owed. I also had my cards taken away from me. The first speeding ticket I had, I was not allowed to drive for the next month (they were going easy on me). I have never been in an accident but if I had, I know I would have lost the vehicle for a long time.





You should make your daughter pay you back for the payments you made on her car, for the repairs to the vehicle I'm assuming she didn't have money to pay for, for the increase on the car insurance. Let her stay on campus if she pays for it (unless you can afford to and want to pay). Staying on campus is so much different than living at home. You have to cook and clean on your own. You have to live with people who don't love you the way family does so they won't put up with your crap.





You can't be her friend and her mom at the same time. Being a good mother is also knowing when to put your foot down and take a stand. I can't tell you the number of times my parents have bailed me out of things and I can't tell you the number of times I ran to them because I knew I didn't have to handle it myself. It didn't make me any stronger or any more capable of living on my own. They don't bail me out any more and I don't run to them so they could. I still love both my mom and dad. That is part of growing up and your daughter will grow up too.
I'm not a teenager anymore, but I remember being one not too long ago. As I remember it, my relationship with my parents improved drastically over the couple of years after I moved out, and we could relate as adults instead of bickering about household chores and rules. At 18, I was very touchy about everything, and had a knee-jerk negative reaction any time my parents told (or asked) me to do anything, even if it was perfectly reasonable. I felt unjustly oppressed because my father had decided that it was my job to mow the lawn every other week in the summer, for instance, though now that I look back, I know my parents did a lot more work around the house and I had more free time than either of them. But just the fact that they insisted on that particular thing made me angry. If my parents ever pointed out some opportunity that they thought I should take advantage of, it was almost a guarantee that I wouldn't even consider doing it.





After moving out, I may not have always been perfectly sensible, and I know my parents still worried about some of the things I did, but you know, when I had no clean clothes, I started doing laundry, and when nobody was there to make sure I got up in the morning, I realized I needed to set an alarm. When my parents offered advice, I was a little more open to it because by moving out, I felt like I'd asserted my independence, and my parents couldn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do. So I chilled out a lot.





Maybe your daughter going to the state school and staying on campus will be really good for all of you. Just discuss upfront what the deal with money is going to be so there are no surprises, and stick to what you said you were going to do, whatever that is.





Of course, it could also be a disaster...hard to say.
Hi, i'm 13. So i might not be much help.. Sorry.


But i will try. :)





Okay, You have to take control. My mom takes control very well. We argue occasionally. She's 19, and soon she'll have to take her responsibilities seriously. Honestly the only thing i can think of is to take everything away. Take away her credit cards, don't give her extra money when she needs to pay for the car. You have to take control..


Don't leave her alone, of course she'll go out of control. sooner or later she won't be coming home, she won't be getting ANY good grades.


If she keeps getting tickets and getting into accidents take away her car.


I'm not exactly sure how she can get into a state school with a GPA of 2.8.. is that possible?


Anyways, as i've been saying. Take control. She is your daughter, You are her mother, you should be teaching her what to do in life, what's right from wrong. Not the other way around.





Best of luck.
CUT HER OFF-i am not a teenager but a divorced mom who raiased two boys on my own-they knew the meaning of having nothing and something when I had it.... they are strong men because of it ..They eat what is put it front of them which was always good food- and if they didn't.. they didn't eat ..to this day They eat vegetables before anything because they know that is what is right they still party and have fun fun-won't disrespect women -not in my house not in their life be strong and tough If you would like to chat my email is cindyfihn@yahoo.com Best to you Cindy
i am only 13 years old but i watched my 20 year old sister go trough the same thing with my mom. My sister is a mother to a 3 year old daughter and the father just decided to play part in their lives. My advice to you is to sit down with your husband and be clear that you both understand the rules/boundaries for her. Give her certain nights she can go out, and give her curfews.My parents gave my sister one emergency credit card for gas, food, and anything for the baby. If she make excuses for wrecking her car like a cell phone (knowing a teenage girl, makeup) get her a earpiece so she cant make a good excuse.USE REVERSE SICOLOGY it worked for us make your daughter think that you and your husband are not aginst everything she does even if you are.Tell her if her grades don't come up then say 'well judging by your grades you obviously need more study time'; then take away some of her going out time.
Going to a state school and moving out will be the best for both of you. As a peer, and someone who goes to a state university, I always notice family problems with people who still live at home and go to CC; I don't want make it out to seem like a bad thing or a stereotype, but I've just always noticed a pattern between the two.


Also, if she is going to go to a university DO NOT allow her to live by herself or friends who are still in CC.


Living by herself for her first year out of the house and going to a university will be more than she could handle; unless she lives by herself on campus, i.e. a single dorm.


If she's going to go to a university she should be around peers at the same school, students at universities tend help promote better study and work habits because there's an almost ';peer pressure'; affect that goes. For example, if I know my friends are studying and working on homework I get a guilty feeling and I'll end up joining them.


Additionally, students from CC and universities living together usually causes an alienation, unless your daughter is an independent natural leader, living with other CC students will probably prove to be a negative experience.


I really hate to sound like some sort of high and mighty state student but these are just the things I notice.
stop trying to be your daughters friend and start being her parent. you have spoiled her and need to let her lose a few times so she can be of some value to the world. quit trying to always make life easy for her. someday she will have to support herself and learn what the real world is all about. your lucky she hasnt hurt someone in a car wreck or gotten pregnant. better take care of this now or your son will be next.
i'm a 19 year old living at home going to my second year of college.





something you might not want to hear is that at this point in your daughter's life she really is her own person. she is making her own decisions and the harder you push her the more she will resent you.





i've never had a curfew in my life, i sometimes stay out until 1 or 2 but i know how to take care of myself and i have a 3.8 GPA. 12 is probably a smart time for her to come, but it's not your place to enforce that. your daughter is an adult now. she may still be dependent on you, but she is all grown up and any attempts you make to control her life will make her want to run far far away screaming for freedom. she has to learn for herself how to make good decisions. you have raised her, it is done, she is an independent person. now you have to cut her lose and let her take care of herself.





it's likely that she avoids coming home to avoid arguing about her life. if you can make her home a safe place for her, maybe she will start spending more time in the house. don't argue about whether or not she is being smart. let her make mistakes and don't bail her out every time, she will learn. don't just give her cash, keep track of it and tell her that she owes it to you. you could set up a payment plan if you want but whatever you do don't just erase the debt. that isn't the real world and you have to start treating her like an adult.





as her guardian and as the owner of her home you are entitled to make rules for your house, but if you start making rules for her behavior she will want to get out as soon as she can.





the most loving thing you can do for a young adult is to treat them like a rational, independent, human being. give her your respect and she might just give you hers.