I need advice on using Tough Love on my teenage daughter,?

she is so out of control that I no longer know what to do. Punishing her doesn鈥檛 work, taking privileges doesn't work. She is not afraid to curse at us and do whatever she wants. Now she has started to disappear for days at a time. She tells us all the time she will change she鈥檚 sorry, writes us notes and then turns around and pulls some sort of stunt. She is a compulsive liar and using her friends to cover all her lies, however whenever anyone catches her in a lie and confronts her she turns on them. We do have her seeing a therapist and she is on Lexapro. I am still looking for anything that might help her see her behavior is destructive. We love her very much and want so badly for her to be happy and healthy. She will be 17 in a month. I have tried everything I can think of. Is Tough Love an actual plan of action with guidelines and parent meetings. All I can find on the internet is about how is doesn't work in boot camps (not what I am looking for) Thanks for everything.I need advice on using Tough Love on my teenage daughter,?
http://www.4troubledteens.com/toughlove.鈥?/a>I need advice on using Tough Love on my teenage daughter,?
I know some paretns who have tried the tough love thing, and it can be effective. Technically, a child can be arrested for running away, or if she takes your car without asking, or something along those lines, call the police. Let her see that you are not going to protect this type of behavior, and maybe she will need to suffer some real consequences outside of your home.
the only thing i can think of is calling maury and taking her on the show. public embarassment might whip her into shape, plus i know they take the girls to prison to scare them straight. idk something to think about...
When she is missing from the home you must call PD!!!!She needs to be in school or employed the courts enforce this!!!
You might want to try telling her that she will be put in a boarding school away from her friends and family. Get some papers from a place like that and have them out where she can find them. That might scare the crap out of her and act like a wake-up call.
Tough love is actually tougher on the parents than the child. It hurts parents but sometime this is the only way to deal with


someone who is this far out of control. It makes the child take responsibility for their actions because they then have no one to blame but themselves for what happens. Real TL is to label her incorrigible and put her on her own as an independent minor, since she refuses to abide by your rules. Boot camp is 1/2 tough love and possibly the best way to go as it may snap her into reality of what life is all about. Either way their is nothing to loose as this girl sounds like she has a determination to self destructed already. Ck with the school


guidance dept. or the local state public assistance office for lists of BC's, also ck with police and the juv. office.


I know this all sounds harsh to loving parents, but this girl has no respect for authority and will soon defy it to where she ends up in jail. You didn't mention but her attitude sounds like


drug use with the going off for days. You could look into having her tested and if pos. go the strict rehab route which will also help her reality of life issues too. I would say she needs more counceling on life reality issues than therapy but


then I don't know her and all her issues..


Blessing go with you and your choices.
Do you tell her you love her? Do you hug her? When was the last time you spent the entire day with just her...all about her...and no one else. Leave her cards in her room. be careful with meds...they can cause her to be suicidal and have terrible withdrawls. My daughter just turned 12...and for a 12 year old..she has her moments..but their are still times when she just wants to hand with me...be with me...spend time with her mommy...and get hugs and kisses...I kind of find ways to not let her hand with her friends so much. because they are not the best influence I have found. I'm sorry your going through this...but at 17 I cannot imagine what she must be going threw. You could always pack her bag, hide it in the car...ask her to go with you to the store and take off on a weekend vacation. Get her away from life for a couple days...
tell her that u will take her 2 the army or navy. and that one day they will come to ur house and take her to the army. ( trust me it is not war) . and then tell her a list of things she will do in the army like wake up 4 in the morning, clean boots do tough excersise.. please join her in the army and she will love u when she comes back.
I can't believe I'm condoning this now, but I guess it just shows how a person can mature:





I was the same way when I was a teenager. I would constantly skip school, not come home, drink, smoke, pot, etc., You name it - if it made my folks (especially my mom) mad, I'd do it. I still don't have a good reason why.





What my parents did was to call the police every time I didn't come home. Every time. Eventually, I ended up in a foster home, at a new school, with strange people and strange surroundings. Let me tell you, I HATED my parents for doing that to me. But it didn't take long at all for me to see what I had at home, how lucky I was, and how much I had taken for granted. For the first 2 months I couldn't have contact with anyone from my ';old life';, parents or friends. By the time that 2 months was up, I had very little desire to hang out with my old friends, and couldn't wait to spend time with my family!





It taught me a lot, and I realize it more and more as they years pass. Good luck to you!
You know what- your daughter sounds like me! Im serious and thats scary. I did the same thing and my parents are still riding my butt everyday! I pay them money every 2 weeks like 200 bucks for bills and crap I owe them from my past mistakes! I feel horrible about all the crap I did to my parents - I also tried to change and told them I would and wrote notes and all that junk! And after a while they just stopped believing anything and everything that I say! I m too old and moved back home and it is horrible but I dont want to move out and make another mistake- ya know- they now ';try to make'; me come home every single night b-4 it s dark! im 26 not 16. And even at 16 I had to be home by 11:30 and got my butt chewed out if I was 5 minutes over- late-! They would even stalk me and find me at friends houses- even when I wasn't bad. They just alway expected me to screw up and you know what I didnt let them down in that department! I did. ----THey also loved and love guilt trips and tough love--- now I didnt go to a boot camp and I m not sure we have the same idea of tough love--- tough love- to me is just being mean and hateful to your son or daughter! nasty- getting in her face and making her feel like crap== that more my parents got in my face the more out of control I got! I mean I got crazy angry! ha.... Im really not a bad person but your daughter needs to have good friends or she will be making up for mistakes --later---I promise! Luckily Im fine and my mistakes have been just with money! I can fix that now! thank god! but my parents I think dont really like me that much-- I mean they love me but thats it. I hate it! I cant fix it but it really sucks! good luck with your daughter! Im sorry for what she is doing to you and your family! just try and be nice and try to talk --not yell ---ask whats going on--- thats all you can do right now-- your all she will have in the future and she doesnt see it at all. Im sorry for rambling but good luck. ===toodles, allison