I see this website has a parent-help/advice section, so I need help with my 2 teenage daughters. too harsh?

My daughter is 17, and my step-daughter is 16 (my wife and I have full custody of them both, they live with us full time). They are both the wild type and we have been having many problems lately with both of them skipping school, cursing out the teachers, getting detentions/suspended, getting in fights at school (both are in the 11th grade), staying out way past curfew, drinking, smoking, sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing money and our cars, partying, harrasing their younger siblings, constant bad attitudes, and we think the younger is having sex (she won't admit it though). We have tried everything, strong restrictions, grounding, yelling, and nothing has worked. So, when they came home last Friday at 2 in the morning, i told them 1 more thing, whether it be a missed curfew, a detention, or swearing at their sister. 1 more thing, and they were spending their whole entire summer at my older brothers ranch in Oklahoma. i'm having second thoughts now. too harsh? advice?I see this website has a parent-help/advice section, so I need help with my 2 teenage daughters. too harsh?
Not too harsh they should learn that they will get consequences for bad behavior I am 18.. and have done nothing at all to upset my mom or dad except once when I went to a friends house without asking you have to be more strict they are doing these things to test you see what you will do.. this means that they think you're weak and your idea of strict is really just like partying with an old grandpa.. come up with unique ways to teach them a lesson and to get them both out of trouble ... the thing I said about the grandpa thing don't take it to offense just think about what I am trying to say..I see this website has a parent-help/advice section, so I need help with my 2 teenage daughters. too harsh?
Is your brother likely to be able to reign in their bad behavior? If so, fantastic - because you don't have much time to fix this problem. If not then you are just pushing off your problem onto someone else. The only other problem is that summer is 4 months away. That's alot of time to get into trouble. How about sending them there to work over spring break? Maybe give them a taste of what summer would be like.


Also, would it be better to split them up? maybe they are feeding off of each other?


Another thought is that you need to quit threatening and start doing. If they come home late, then they can't go out. If they sneak out then you sleep infront of their door. If they smoke then they have to run (that will show them how bad their lung capacity is) or work in the hospital with the lung cancer patients. If they are drinking, turn them in to the police. If they are stealing money and cars - let them spend a night in jail. Seriously - this is not petty stuff. This is serious. They need counceling, firm parenting and a LOT of prayer.


You could always do what my uncle did for his stepson (raised him from age 5) - he made him go ';Amish'; : no electricity, no phone, no car, no tv, basically nothing. And then he put him to work - hard work. It worked for him - he went into the military and turned his life around.


Good luck, sounds like you have your hands full.
That sounds like a great idea!
i dont know about it being too harsh but i do know its not your brothers responsibility to deal with your/their problems and you cant just send your daughters off somewhere because you cant get them to listen to you...
I don't think this is too harsh you are doing what you have to do to keep you daughts safe. They may not see it that way now but they will. I grew up giving my parents a hell of a time too and they put me to work at the family buisness. I was so tired sometime that sleeping was all i wanted to do instead of going out. One time I did go out and drank and it was horrible but my parents pulled me out of bed at 7am to go to work they told me the world dont stop for my hangovers and they don't feel sorry for me if i want to drink like an adult they will treat me like one (i was 16). Before they made me start working i had it made i slept in, mom did my laundry, she cooked, cleaned, I never had to do anything, maybe i had to much time on my hands. I thank my parents all the time for teaching me responsibilty,respect and good work ethics. I could see myself in the situations that some of those people i use to hang out.... with no education, dead end jobs or on welfare.if my parents didn't intervine i would possible be in that situation.


so yes give them something to do to fill their time up ,,,yes they still need time for fun but there is a time for that.Teenagers think they know all and can do it all and they think that nothing will happen to them.


Well Dad hand them a little taste of the real world . So NO No don't back down if they break a rule do what u said u would stick to it if you don't they will see that you just try and scare them with empty threats and that you would never really do anything about their behaviour. Good Luck to you%26amp;your wife, u can do it.


They will realize soon that you have their best interest at heart you love them and want to protect them from the harmful and dangerous desions they have been making. Let them know you love them say it and say i love you too them all the time and they need and want hugs %26amp;kiss too. they need to be assured that their family is there for them.Spend more time with them doing family things. Maybe they are screaming for your attention i know i was screaming by acting up all the time. i wanted to be seen and heard even if it was in a negative way. My parents heard me and did something about it.And We have a great realtionship now.
no wasnt to harsh. why u waiting til summer? i have a 17yr old and i thank god daily that shes a good kid. i see her peers and know what kind of crap they get into. u need to set rules and stick by them. curfew here is 11 and my daughter knows she isnt home then and i get no phone call im calling the cops. maybe u need to send urs to visit a jail house or a morgue. sounds tough but its called tough love for a reason. they want to smoke then visit a nursing home let them meet an elder dying from smoking. they having sex take them to the health department and get them on the pill and condoms. theres tons of things u can do to show them this is what will happen if u stay on the road ur on.... its up to the parents to show the children the right way. we have to do everything in our power to teach them so they live out in the world without us when they are adults. its our job to teach and shw examples sounds like urs need some examples thrown at their faces QUICK...good luck
I think this is definitely a Perfect Idea make sure you stick to your guns though if you don't they will know they can get away this stuff all the time and you will do nothing so I say it's a great idea!
that's not harsh at all , but do you really wanna put your brother through all that??? threaten to homeschool them or send them to a border school...all girls, uniforms, and no freedom. worked on my wild and crazy sister!!! lol. good luck
I'm 23 and I say do it they have put you through alot! However it may backfire on you they may find more trouble out their. Being a newly reformed teen w a bad attitude I would put them in therapy bc of the divorce. My sis and I had lots of trouble bc of my rents split she had therapy and has done a 360. I'm pregnat w my first so I neede to change for more obvious reasons. Oh ya and my sis is 17 they're going through alot plus the stuff bc of moving and maybe feeling abandoned? Now you cant force conversation but keep them going and they should break down and talk. Also if they are really bad you can get dys involved and then all will be court mandated. Now this isn't as bad as it sounds. My sis got caught smoking at school and then cops got involved she now doesn't see her social worker she had a choice to stop bc her grades were good and her drug tests were clear. So she became responsible and they allowed her at 17 to stop seeing her worker. She is now involved in youth group and going to help New Orleans to help Habitat for Hummanity! Don't worry how harsh the punishment you need to save these childre who will soon be on their own and then they will get into big trouble in the real world. Also you don't want it rubbing off of your younger kids bc the older ones dont get in trouble! Hope this helps if you want email me!!
it sounds like you are doing all you can to help them. Counseling can only go so far particularly if they are being resistive. You certainly are not being a bad parent by placing restrictions on them and letting them know what their consequences will be if they choose to continue to make bad choices. First and foremost I think you need to follow through no matter what. You can use the time they are away to recharge yourself and they can learn something valuable by working. I would also do what I could now. alarm your doors and windows so you stop the sneaking out. No friends, time away from home, etc until theirs an improvement in behavior and grades. It's sad that it has to come to this but it's their choice to act the way they are doing. You as a parent have a responsibility to them to show them their are consequences for making bad choices. It's a tough road to be on but I think at this point you have no other choice but to show tough love. Keep your chin up, you're doing what is right for them. That makes you a good parent.
Sir you are not being harsh at all. At 16 and 17 they should not be doing haif the stuff they are doing. the only thing is that you have given them to many warnings. you see when you keep warning them and warning them all you are doing to them is like giving them a pat on the hand and saying bad girl thats naughty. you have to show them whoose boss. now you don't have to be harsh with them but you have to give them a firm hand. you need to show your girls what can happen to them if they keep trowing thier life away with this drinking and smoking a crap. Sir you need to take action before it is to late.
Take a pipe to they're heads, beat some sense into them
Hi..I have been working with ';youth at risk'; for about 15 years. Sounds like times are very tough for you and your girls. Have they been to therapy? Perhaps there are other things going on in their lives that they are not sharing. Another one of my ideas is...do you have a juvenile detention center in your area? Let them take a tour..see how their actions could possibly affect their lives. Im a firm believer in natural logical consequences....take away their ';fun stuff'; (iPODS, computers etc..) Give them heavy labor to do.


Or heck...send them to your brother if you think he could help them realize what they are doing. Oklahoma? Thats punishment alone!! (im kidding) Does he farm? They could work on his ranch? Just some suggestions...
Sorry, but not harsh enough. They need a lot more rules...starting with being respectful. Try talking openly with both of them. let them know how much you love them and that you want them to have a happy full life, but that they need to learn how to respect themselves, you %26amp; your wife, and well - everybody!! you can't help them grow into responsible adults the way they are headed. make some boundries - together. then you %26amp; your wife need to stick to it.


Your girls are almost grown, and will be moving on to college soon. they need to learn how to take care of themselves and how to deal with adults, teachers, bosses in a way that will benefit them, not make life harder.


The ranch sounds like a fun trip for al 4 of you to do together. We have a small piece of land we take our kids to for the weekend (every couple of months or so) and it really helps bring us together as a family, and enjoy the time together. I think we all let our gaurd down a little when we are away..and it really helps our relationship when we get back home.


Good luck!!! :)
Not harsh at all, Try looking into a place called the Youth Challenge. Whatever state you are in just type your state and youth challenge. It is a free military type school. Hard core boot camp. I sent two of my daughters there and it worked wonders. Good luck
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I see where you are coming from and I think you are being 100% fair to them. This is for there own good, and they WILL see this later on. Working on a ranch could bring out the best in them. You are not spending them away because you ';can't handle it'; you are doing so as a sort of self-therapy.





Follow through with your choice!








Original:


I had a ';wild'; side as a teenager and my parents threatened to send me to there friends ranch in the middle of no where, it worked a little, but strong parenting skills, listening to them and realizing this is all a cry for attention is a big key.





My mom screwed my windows shut so I couldn't sneak out, would sleep in front of the doors, home schooled me.





I bless her for all her hard work now. My parents are the reason I just celebrated my 21st birthday. There strict presistant parenting kept me a live.





Also consider family and individual therapy for them. It sounds like ther are deeper issues here.
thats not to harsh i was the same way. i'm 21 now i have change bcause my mom got sick of me and called the cops and let me spend 3 nights in jail! lol it worked