I am a young mother of a really good kid: gets good grades, makes good choices when it comes to friends, respectful to others outside of the home, doesn't get into trouble or cause trouble, hasn't experimented with drugs or alcohol, and overall we have a good relationship. My question: How do I avoid power struggles when it comes to getting him to do things he doesn't want to do? I do take things away like his iPod, computer privileges, TV, ect...but it doesn't work as much now that he is getting older. Since it is just him and I, and it has been for the past 14 years, I have had to be tough with him growing up, and it has paid off because like I said he is a good kid, but the power struggles are getting to be too much and I want to avoid the big blow ups that occasionally occur. What should I do?Single parent needs some advice with 15 year old teenage son......?
Ok so what is it that u want him to do that he don't wanna do? Like my parents have trouble with me doin things I don't wanna do too. I hate some things worse than others tho. I am gonna be 16yo this month too so I'm the same age as your kid and maybe have some of the same feelings.
I dunno about u but my mom and dad just sorta ignore the power struggles I try and I usually get grounded if I keep at it. But still I get the parent talk about if I act responsible I get more freedom and that kinda thing. Have u tried grounding? And do u get with your son and talk about how he's gotta pull his own weight and stuff like that?
About the blowups. I guess u mean like yellin at each other. I'm thinkin that happens with most guys and their parents every now and then. Most of my friends have done it and I been there when it happened a few times too. Maybe tho u gotta be hard when it happens and not give in or nothin. When its been me, my dad usually gets growly at first and then says it ain't open to talkin until later when i'm cooled down. My mom she usually yells a bit more first and then she won't even respond to me so I just gotta get over it. Its usually over dumb stuff too.
As for takin stuff away I dunno if that works with some kids but it wouldn't bother me much actually. I don't watch the TV that much and if I wanna use a computer I just go to my gfs house or a buddy or school. And same with mp3 or whatever.
So, my parents know this too and use grounding instead. Extra work they sometimes use too.Single parent needs some advice with 15 year old teenage son......?
Treat him like an adult. Sit down and talk about an issue and why he can or cannot do it. Let him have some leeway if he does not do drugs and gets good grades.
The best thing you can do is to explain to him what you what him to do and why, so that way he knows where your coming from. I'm addition instead of taking things from him when he does not do what you ask, try compromising with him. Think of your requests as a sales pitch and your son the customer...You need to provide a value to the cost and benefit. Please see an example below.
*Your son wants to go to a hangout with a friend on Friday night and his normal curfew is 10pm.
*You want your son to clean his room and do a few other chores around the house.
*Upon asking your son to complete those chores, explain to him that in return you will allow him to stay out tell 11pm on Friday. Adding an hour to his curfew that night.
In that scenario you both com out winners, Instead of having a stressful fight. This method should also bring you two closer together and teach him that you are an Ali, not the enemy.
This would happen, no matter what, it is pretty basic stuff to happen with teens, encourage you to talk to your family Dr about this and have him advise you as to where to go to get better information on how to handle this.good luck.
You don't write what you struggle about.
Some things you may want to give in.
He is 15 and getting older. He wants to do more things in life.
You can't treat him the same way you did when he was 10.
You can't make all the decisions in his life. You have to let go - in a controlled fashion if possible.
Re-examine your rules: Which are really important (like no smoking) and which can be used as bargaining chips because they really don't apply anymore?
Im 15 and often come to blows with my mum but we just laugh it off why: because it's quite natural, if your son gets angry with you then just stay calm and let him release his anger it'll will do him good getting it out of him. Also you shoundn't take his stuff from him, it will just make him resent you and it will make him try to get back at you. So if you come to blows, as I have said, just stay calm it's natural and it will do him good venting his anger instead of bottleing it up.
Im just assuming its his age and as a single parent, wouldnt this be something that happens at some point. I know you are tired but if you have brought him up the right way with morals and he is a good kid like you say he is then maybe you shouldn't struggle too much otherwise that big blow will become an eruption. Dont nag him, Im sure he knows that you are doing the best for him deep down, but he is a boy and 15 he is at that stage where he thinks he is cool. Dont cramp his style too much, if you want him to do house chores like laundry - give the kid a break
give him trust, and reason with him. my mom raised all of us alone, and she stopped being a hardass when we hit 15. all of us. she reasoned with us, treated us like adults, and gave us options. we all turned out fine. You need to realize that he is probably going to do things you wont be proud of, nor will he. but dont EVER doubt your parenting skills. Trust what you have taught him. he probably just needs to figure things out for himself. and if you want him to do something, and hes refusing. talk it out. he blows up, then say fine, i tried to treat you like an adult, obviously thats not working, you want to act childish you will be treated like one, and continue to buckle down on him till he realize your still the boss.
I don't think they are totally unavoidable. I fought tooth and nail with my parents on everything at that age. The only thing that really caught my attention was limiting the time I was allowed with friends. This may be different with girls but if i didn't do the things I was supposed to during the week I wasn't allowed to go anywhere on the weekends until those things were done.
My suggestion as a teenage male is to continue doing what you are doing. Start taking things more valuable away from him. Like he is about to start driving and all and I garentee if you take that away from him he will get In line. My mom uses all the same tactics that youhsve listed above and I have to admit that it does work. You just up to expand on what you are doing. Good luck
Teenagers are rebells. I would just make sure that he knows that you love him whether he is fighting you or not and that you are there for him when he needs you.
there is nothing really you can do. Just let him go and see him becoming a young adult.
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