I'm moving into the basement for Christmas, and I get to re-decorate it. These are some of the things I was looking for for my new room:
http://www.amazon.com/Black-White-Zeus-C鈥?/a>
http://www.target.com/Victorian-Accent-T鈥?/a>
http://www.shopwildthings.com/cheblmeglt鈥?/a>
http://www3.jcpenney.com/jcp/X6.aspx?Dep鈥?/a>
http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/chicago/鈥?/a>
http://classicalguitarworkshop.com/index鈥?/a>
http://www3.jcpenney.com/jcp/X6.aspx?Dep鈥?/a>
http://www.target.com/Large-Scroll-Bench鈥?/a>
http://www.target.com/Satin-Sheet-Set-%E鈥?/a>
Do you kinda see the look I'm going for? Links? Advice? Opinions?
Thank You!Advice, links, or opinions for a black and white victorian/elegant teenage bedroom?
well so far i think it's lovely. but taht stuff is pricey. i don't know where to get it chepaer, sorry. but it looks very nice. ^_^
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Teenage daughter and troubled home how to handle want to sort things out with the best advice?
Dear all
My daughter is a teenager and gets very angry and shouts all the time. She has become very arrogant and it is increasing day by day. Yes she has lots of studies, and no one to help her on the same. Though not upto my budget i have arranged home tuitions for her.
i work 12 hours a day, my husband has just started working. i dont have good realtionship infact we dont talk to each other. He is a disciplinarian and always fights and shouts if things are not done his way.
every morning my daughter and my husband fight and the whole day is a mess for all. i have another son who is younger but is ok expect for his never ending demand of toys.
i feel there should be some way i can work it out but confused.
i get tired as i have physical and mental tension at office, i am working because of economical situation and not very happy at work but necessity.
when my daughter is calm i have explained but i dont know.
there used to be days she used to be ok but now a days it is everyday she is rude and rough and bangs the door.
pls advice.Teenage daughter and troubled home how to handle want to sort things out with the best advice?
i think it is sensible age for girl. you should communicate with her more ( i know it is difficult, because u r working for 12 hours a day, but one of you have to spend some time with her), knowing how is day in school, and what is her relationship with her classmates. it is very important,as you know nowdays , the kids are very easy to learn something bad than having a good habit.
meanwhile, you can arrange a competition between her and her younger brother. maybe, they can take care of each other.
you'd better enjoy the time at home though you have a lot of pressure from work. as you know, when your emotion does not feel well, then you look at everything negatively.
Be happy!
My daughter is a teenager and gets very angry and shouts all the time. She has become very arrogant and it is increasing day by day. Yes she has lots of studies, and no one to help her on the same. Though not upto my budget i have arranged home tuitions for her.
i work 12 hours a day, my husband has just started working. i dont have good realtionship infact we dont talk to each other. He is a disciplinarian and always fights and shouts if things are not done his way.
every morning my daughter and my husband fight and the whole day is a mess for all. i have another son who is younger but is ok expect for his never ending demand of toys.
i feel there should be some way i can work it out but confused.
i get tired as i have physical and mental tension at office, i am working because of economical situation and not very happy at work but necessity.
when my daughter is calm i have explained but i dont know.
there used to be days she used to be ok but now a days it is everyday she is rude and rough and bangs the door.
pls advice.Teenage daughter and troubled home how to handle want to sort things out with the best advice?
i think it is sensible age for girl. you should communicate with her more ( i know it is difficult, because u r working for 12 hours a day, but one of you have to spend some time with her), knowing how is day in school, and what is her relationship with her classmates. it is very important,as you know nowdays , the kids are very easy to learn something bad than having a good habit.
meanwhile, you can arrange a competition between her and her younger brother. maybe, they can take care of each other.
you'd better enjoy the time at home though you have a lot of pressure from work. as you know, when your emotion does not feel well, then you look at everything negatively.
Be happy!
My family drives me crazy, my teenage sister even more. Can someone help me or give me some advice?
I'm 19 years old and I have a son that is 4 years old. He keeps me really busy all the time and I would like to give him the best. By keeping him in a good environment. But my sister seems to do my life more difficult than what it already is. She is 14 years old. She is cursing back and forth. Every word she speaks seems to start with the ';f';. She does not talk to me at all. But when she needs a favor done, she wants it right away. I tried ignoring her, giving her tips and advice. But she just doesn't care, she yells at my mom. And to make it even worse my dad doesn't say a word about it. At least that is what we see. He thinks by just sending her to her room or telling her to do the dishes she is gonna be good. I just don't know what else to do. can someone please give me a tip on what I should do.My family drives me crazy, my teenage sister even more. Can someone help me or give me some advice?
Wow. A 4-year-old son at 19. I can only imagine the stress! And I can totally understand your frustration with your younger sister.
I'm only 15 myself and I think the biggest thing you can do for your sister is to sit her down. Have a calm, mature talk. Tell her what you just told us. Tell her you have your needs, your son has his needs and that while having another child in the house my be stressful for everyone, she's going to have to step up and be mature about it. Make her feel the pressure.
If she lets you down, say that to her. Say it like you mean it; ';______(sister's name) you really let me down, here.'; and leave it at that. There's nothing worse than feeling immature and feeling the burden of letting someone you care about down. Just be honest with her. Brutally honest, if need be.
While this may not be the response you were looking for, I hope it helps you. And good luck on your sister and her issues.My family drives me crazy, my teenage sister even more. Can someone help me or give me some advice?
Take her out back and give her few slaps tell her how is going be.
Wow. A 4-year-old son at 19. I can only imagine the stress! And I can totally understand your frustration with your younger sister.
I'm only 15 myself and I think the biggest thing you can do for your sister is to sit her down. Have a calm, mature talk. Tell her what you just told us. Tell her you have your needs, your son has his needs and that while having another child in the house my be stressful for everyone, she's going to have to step up and be mature about it. Make her feel the pressure.
If she lets you down, say that to her. Say it like you mean it; ';______(sister's name) you really let me down, here.'; and leave it at that. There's nothing worse than feeling immature and feeling the burden of letting someone you care about down. Just be honest with her. Brutally honest, if need be.
While this may not be the response you were looking for, I hope it helps you. And good luck on your sister and her issues.My family drives me crazy, my teenage sister even more. Can someone help me or give me some advice?
Take her out back and give her few slaps tell her how is going be.
I am a single teenage mother and im having some issues with my parents, need some advice?
a lil back ground info: im 19, i hav a 1 1/2 yr old daughter. ive been married to an abusive husband who was also an alcoholic and drug addict. ive been through hell and back. i accept that everything is my own fault and i take resposibilty for my mistakes and ive learned and changed and grown up alot. i wudnt say that im an adult or hav grown up all the way bc i dont think that anyone ever stops growing up bc there is also somthing more to learn. I jus got divorced, been separated for a yr. im in a relationship with a pretty great guy, not getting tho. i am now living with my parents and am so grateful for all they for me. i rele am. i wudnt be where i am without them. i got my GED and am now in my second semester of college. working rele hard to stay on top of everything and still be a great mother. i know that bc i had a baby things had to change forever and that is the way it should be. i dont expect neone to raise my child bc it is my responsibility. i also know that my teen yrs were cut short and sometimes that is difficult to deal with but to make it clear i have never and will never regret having my daughter, i wudnt ever. but if i should want to go hangout, not party, but jus hangout. after she goes to sleep. i hav a cerfew of like 11:30 or 12 bc i hav to be home be so they can go to sleep. and i completely understand that. but on say a thursday or friday when i dont hav school the next day if i want my bf to come hangout at my house for awhile. he drives so they can go to sleep, they still put a cerfew on on how late he can stay, this doesnt make sense to me, bc they are not bothered by this they can go to sleep and i am still there to listen out for my daughter. and also that they hav no problem with my brother having ppl over at netime during the nite. i know that i hav responsibilities but as long meet them why cant i hav a life. i need some advice, am i wrong for thinking this way? and how should i approach them with this? without gettin my head chewed off or their famous bc i said so. or it's still my house my rules.I am a single teenage mother and im having some issues with my parents, need some advice?
Youre too old to have a curfew, but your mom is probably saying to you.. its your job to be here for your baby.. and she doesnt want to worry about it when she goes to sleep.. SOLUTION: Ask your date, if he would help defray the cost of a baby sitter.. hire one and stay out as late as you like..I am a single teenage mother and im having some issues with my parents, need some advice?
It doesn't have to make sense to you. It's their house, respect them and do as they ask....
you REALLY need to work on your grammar.
and your in COLLEGE????
just talk to them about it.
You already know the answer to this , but i will tell you anyway. They dont want you making the same mistake twice.
That being , getting yourself into another situation u can not handle. By your own admittance you said u have made mistakes of being in a relationship with an absive alchoholic and had a child which u most likely would not have had if u knew he was an abusive alchoholic.
All those mistakes led to the birth of a child in an abusive marriage , that would never have been born had u not made those mistakes in the first place.
Thats why u they are doing what they are doing.
How to fix the problem u have is about your boyfriend earning respect. Understand this, As a father , if i have a daughter living under my roof. No matter how old she is whether she is 19, 25, 36, 40. No boyfriend of hers will ever be sleeping over at home. No matter how much he wanted to prove to me how good he was for my daughter.
I will tell you why. If my daughter who is of age wanted to do that. Then she could move out and be with the guy, if thats what she wanted. If the guy was able to stand on his own two feet and provide for my daughter. I dont have a problem with that.
What i do have a problem with is if a guy thinks he will come over and sleep with my daughter in a bedroom i provided , while i provide for my daughter financially, feed her, clothe her. Provide her utilities water electricity. And he thinks he has the freedom to come over and stick his thing in my daughter! Not under my roof while i am providing for them.
If Mr Boyfriend wants her. He will have to prove himself to her. Treat her with respect. Make a sustainable home where he can provide for her. Then he can have her.
Not have sex with her while i provide for her. Thats what your asking for!
Its unacceptable.
Parents will always be there to pic up the pieces. Thats what your parents have done for you. Despite some of your bad judgments. No matter what u do they will be there for you. In return. You need to respect their wishes. its not much to ask.
If you think this guy is a good guy. You may not be ready to move out yet as it may be too early in the relationship. But while u are under their roof you can not expect your parents to give u the thing u ask, especially if that very thing was the one thing that got u into trouble in the first place.
Move out if u want that extra time with him. Its clear your back on your feet now after what has happened. or At least give it time for the boyfriend to warm up to the parents before u decide to move out.
You should handle this differently this time. Let the BOY earn the respect of your parents before you go that extra mile with him.
youre a 19 year old with a baby- youre lucky you can go out at all. they owe you nothing. remember that. on top of that- the reason they dont want you dating someone else is THEY DONT WANT YOU TO GET KNOCKED UP AGAIN!!!! you dont exactly have a great track record. you really should focus on getting your life in order and raising your daughter.
I commend you on your goals that are met. I know from experience it is hard as heck getting out of an abusive relationship. Many people think you can just leave, but its more to it than that. Your problem is you want to live as you did when you were out on your own. My advice is talk to your parents, tell them your feelings and your desire for a personal life. If this doesn't work, get a small apartment for you and your child and make your life how you want it. Good Luck %26amp; Keep your chin up.
Honey I can't tell you what to do but remember this you are living under their roof therefore you should respect their wish. Also you can sit down with them and talk like adult and make them understand. they are only protecting you from any harm honey. Parents are like that. I am father 4 and I know some time I am like that too with my children and there are all over 25 years age.
the first thing im going to tell you to do is to leave your husband asap. your life and your child's life is in danger. try to understand your parents. they just don't want you to make things harder for your self than they already are. and when you have a child your supposed to put all your attention on them but you are gonna need to relax to try to deal with whats in your hands right now. try to get a babysitter forat leastt one day.don'tt lie to them and say you have a ';doctorsappointmentn'; or something ike that. tell them the truth. tell them you want to have fun and relax for just one day so that you can ty toresolvee your problems. then you can try to talk to your parents. make them feel like they can trust you for one day. all you hae to do is regain the trust they had in you. and again leave your husband if hes abusive.
i think you need to write a little better...but i think you should talk to them about it. At least get a decent reasoning behind it all. you are a mother and you obviously take care of your child
Its the same old story it is their house and their rules and you are not going to change them. I really think they are afraid of you having another one and yes you have learned from your life lessons and when you graduate from college and get your own place then you can do whatever you want. I have to agree with your parents you wont understand until you are older and as far as your brother goes again its their house and their rules
Youre too old to have a curfew, but your mom is probably saying to you.. its your job to be here for your baby.. and she doesnt want to worry about it when she goes to sleep.. SOLUTION: Ask your date, if he would help defray the cost of a baby sitter.. hire one and stay out as late as you like..I am a single teenage mother and im having some issues with my parents, need some advice?
It doesn't have to make sense to you. It's their house, respect them and do as they ask....
you REALLY need to work on your grammar.
and your in COLLEGE????
just talk to them about it.
You already know the answer to this , but i will tell you anyway. They dont want you making the same mistake twice.
That being , getting yourself into another situation u can not handle. By your own admittance you said u have made mistakes of being in a relationship with an absive alchoholic and had a child which u most likely would not have had if u knew he was an abusive alchoholic.
All those mistakes led to the birth of a child in an abusive marriage , that would never have been born had u not made those mistakes in the first place.
Thats why u they are doing what they are doing.
How to fix the problem u have is about your boyfriend earning respect. Understand this, As a father , if i have a daughter living under my roof. No matter how old she is whether she is 19, 25, 36, 40. No boyfriend of hers will ever be sleeping over at home. No matter how much he wanted to prove to me how good he was for my daughter.
I will tell you why. If my daughter who is of age wanted to do that. Then she could move out and be with the guy, if thats what she wanted. If the guy was able to stand on his own two feet and provide for my daughter. I dont have a problem with that.
What i do have a problem with is if a guy thinks he will come over and sleep with my daughter in a bedroom i provided , while i provide for my daughter financially, feed her, clothe her. Provide her utilities water electricity. And he thinks he has the freedom to come over and stick his thing in my daughter! Not under my roof while i am providing for them.
If Mr Boyfriend wants her. He will have to prove himself to her. Treat her with respect. Make a sustainable home where he can provide for her. Then he can have her.
Not have sex with her while i provide for her. Thats what your asking for!
Its unacceptable.
Parents will always be there to pic up the pieces. Thats what your parents have done for you. Despite some of your bad judgments. No matter what u do they will be there for you. In return. You need to respect their wishes. its not much to ask.
If you think this guy is a good guy. You may not be ready to move out yet as it may be too early in the relationship. But while u are under their roof you can not expect your parents to give u the thing u ask, especially if that very thing was the one thing that got u into trouble in the first place.
Move out if u want that extra time with him. Its clear your back on your feet now after what has happened. or At least give it time for the boyfriend to warm up to the parents before u decide to move out.
You should handle this differently this time. Let the BOY earn the respect of your parents before you go that extra mile with him.
youre a 19 year old with a baby- youre lucky you can go out at all. they owe you nothing. remember that. on top of that- the reason they dont want you dating someone else is THEY DONT WANT YOU TO GET KNOCKED UP AGAIN!!!! you dont exactly have a great track record. you really should focus on getting your life in order and raising your daughter.
I commend you on your goals that are met. I know from experience it is hard as heck getting out of an abusive relationship. Many people think you can just leave, but its more to it than that. Your problem is you want to live as you did when you were out on your own. My advice is talk to your parents, tell them your feelings and your desire for a personal life. If this doesn't work, get a small apartment for you and your child and make your life how you want it. Good Luck %26amp; Keep your chin up.
Honey I can't tell you what to do but remember this you are living under their roof therefore you should respect their wish. Also you can sit down with them and talk like adult and make them understand. they are only protecting you from any harm honey. Parents are like that. I am father 4 and I know some time I am like that too with my children and there are all over 25 years age.
the first thing im going to tell you to do is to leave your husband asap. your life and your child's life is in danger. try to understand your parents. they just don't want you to make things harder for your self than they already are. and when you have a child your supposed to put all your attention on them but you are gonna need to relax to try to deal with whats in your hands right now. try to get a babysitter forat leastt one day.don'tt lie to them and say you have a ';doctorsappointmentn'; or something ike that. tell them the truth. tell them you want to have fun and relax for just one day so that you can ty toresolvee your problems. then you can try to talk to your parents. make them feel like they can trust you for one day. all you hae to do is regain the trust they had in you. and again leave your husband if hes abusive.
i think you need to write a little better...but i think you should talk to them about it. At least get a decent reasoning behind it all. you are a mother and you obviously take care of your child
Its the same old story it is their house and their rules and you are not going to change them. I really think they are afraid of you having another one and yes you have learned from your life lessons and when you graduate from college and get your own place then you can do whatever you want. I have to agree with your parents you wont understand until you are older and as far as your brother goes again its their house and their rules
Fiance has teenage daughter who's mom died. I have wedding concerns and need advice.
My fiance has a 17 year old daughter who he has had joint custody with since she was 2. Her mom left the marriage when she was a baby and she never knew her parents together. Well, the mom died last year of cancer. Now the teen spends most of the time at the stepdad's house with her 2 younger siblings and sometimes at my fiance's house.
I know she likes me, but is not overly warm. She is a quiet almost shy girl, but is popular. She is a teenager about to be a senior so she does not really want to be around any adults at this point.
We told her we got engaged several months ago and the response was ';that's nice'; and nothing else. We had to ask if she wanted to see the ring. She glanced away from her myspace page long enough to take a peek and that was it.
I so badly want to share with her and be closer and have her take a part in the wedding in a manner she is comfortable. It is hard to know my boundaries with her. Since her mom died it is all a bit weird.
I have not brought it up again because I do not want her to feel uncomfortable. My finace mentioned it and got no reaction.
I am not sure what to do now. I was hoping she would want to be a part and am open to having her be a bridesmaid or for her to stand on her dad's side.
What should I do?
Perhaps she wants to just attend as a guest?
My mom remarried shortly after my dad died, I was 19, and I was furious and refused to attend. I showed up at the end of the wedding, drunk with a few sorority sisters ( immature ,I know,but that was a long time ago) So I feel Ihave to tread lightly.
Any advice?Fiance has teenage daughter who's mom died. I have wedding concerns and need advice.
I think that it's lovely that you want a relationship with her. I've been a step-daughter before and I have to say in the beginning you're very hesitant because you're not sure if this person is going to think they're your mother or overstep your boundaries. Perhaps her reaction is due to not being entirely sure where she'll fit into your 'new' life. Both you and your fiance need to make it clear that you want to form a family. It doesn't have to be nuclear, but it should be functional. Including her in the wedding planning and the ceremony itself is a good way to demonstrate this, but I also liked the suggestions that you try and plan outings with her, get to know her not as your fiance's daughter but just as a friend. There's no guarantee that she'll be thrilled about your attempts, but if you can say that you at least made them, I don't think you'll have any trouble sleeping at night.Good luck.Fiance has teenage daughter who's mom died. I have wedding concerns and need advice.
You can not force a relationship on his daughter but you can make it clear to her that you will be there if ever she needs you...She will come around All you can do is love her and show her that you care..Are you including her in your wedding?
i think you should tell her that you are not trying to replace her mom. you want to be her friend. and for the ceremony have a candle with her moms name on it. get her a locket with her moms pic in it and reassure her that you understand what she is going through.
all i can say is treat her the way you would want to be treated if your mother just died be compassionate toward her shes probably feeling very alone let her know your there for her if she needs but don't smoother her good luck
You seem to have your head screwed on straight, and understand that she is 17, she lost her mother, shes a teenager probably most interested in her friends, and shes balancing between 2 households. Your approach seems good. I would straight out ask her if she wants to be in the wedding or not. She might appreciate your candor. Give her a few options (bridesmaid, *groomsmaid*, regular guest) and if she doesnt respond right away just say ';Well you can think about it!';
Later on, you can gauge her interest in the event and if she shows any interest at all, get her involved with anything.
I'm guessing her non-interest has more to do with her missing her mom than not liking you. She probably hasn't really mourned properly at that age just because kids really don't know how to handle death. While she probably likes you, she may be trying to save her moms space so no one can take that over. I would be especially kind and listen, listen, listen. I would tell her again how much you would love her to be in the wedding and tell her it is her choice and she can think it over and let you know by the end of the week if she wants to do it. That way she can never say you didn't include her. Teens are hard anyway, I have 3. But this girl is the product of divorce, death of a parent, dealing with a step parent, and now a new step parent. It's a lot forr anyone to deal with.
Take her out to lunch and shopping and tell her how you feel. Tell her that you would like to be closer to her, and you know that it is tough because her mom died. Ask her how she feels about you and her dad getting married. Tell her that you aren't looking to take her mom's place.
Tell her that you are very excited to be marrying her father, and that you would like for her to be involved. Tell her you and her dad would love for her to be a bridesmaid. Offer her a couple of things to do and ask her if she would like to choose something, or if there is anything she would be interested in doing. Tell her she doesn't have to pick right then, but you need to know in a couple of weeks so you can start planning.
If she is quiet anyway, it's going to be tough. My niece is so quiet, I can barely get three words out of her. Just be patient and keep talking to her, but without harassing her about it.
Well, if she won't go out with you, make a girls' day breakfast. Pancakes or something she likes. Then sit down and have a talk with her. Some weekend morning (or afternoon as some teenagers get up) should work.
Hi. You are very observant and knowledgeable (from your own experience), so treading lightly is called for.
Perhaps you can invite her out to lunch. Try to feel her out. Tell her ';Missy, I am sure you really miss your mom. There is NO ONE who can take her place. Please know that I am not trying to take her place. I was wondering how you feel about your dad and I getting married and if you would want to participate in the wedding. I would love to have you as a bridesmaid....or stand next to your dad....whatever you feel comfortable with. So, let me know how you would feel about being a part of our wedding.';
I am sure she is missing her mom. I feel bad for her. She is at a very rough age. I am sure she is happy for you and not resentful...it's more that she misses her mom. Perhaps your fiance can speak with her also. This is a time when she will need both of you (even if she doesn't realize it now.)
You are very kind to seek advice before doing anything. Good luck to you and I hope everything works out for you and her.
I hope your wedding is a beautiful day!
She lost her mom last year and now she probably feels she's losing her dad................to you. You need to sit down and have a talk with her and tell her exactly how you feel about everything. Her dad, her mom dying, the wedding, her and life as her new step mom. It is the uncertainty that is probably troubling her most. Be sure she understands that you are not trying to take her moms place
Give her a few years to come around, she's 17 and probably wasn't that into the details about her own mother's life!
Ask her if she would like to be a bridemaid or would she prefer to be a guest at the wedding? Even if she is interested in being a bridesmaid, if she is shy, she would not want to risk rejection %26amp;/or doesn't want you to feel obligated to say yes.
Don't tread softly, just normally. She probably feels your trepidation but doesn't know you well enough yet to understand where you/it is coming from.
You need to keep pushing for a lunch together.
Teenagers are emotional and bitchy, she sounds like the type who is involved in her ';teenage'; life. Which is totally normal. It is hard to lose a parent, I am 21 and my mum died a few months ago suddenly. She is still going through A LOT.
You need to talk to her about how much she wants to be involved. TELL HER that you WANT her involved. Be open and honest.
Well, as you know its a hard road when you lose a parent while you are young..and her circumstances are different in the aspect of her mother and father never being together. My guess is that she is feeling as though she doesnt know if she is here or there with living with the step dad.
My mum died when i was 13, dad remarried about 3 years later and I hated the thought of it. It was dad who talked to me in the end when i was reblling against the step mother. His words to me were '; I loved your mum and will always love your mum, I miss your mum so much even though Ive met colleen and found companionship again...all i ask of you is that you be happy for me and accept *** (stepmum) as part of my life.';
When i realised I was affecting my dads happiness i saw it all in a new light and although i was never ';close'; with her we were still friends which made life a lot easier.
Maybe the issue here is the relationship between father and daughter, and she could see you as another ';interference'; sorry i know that sounds harsh but its a reality...
Maybe you could talk to your fiance about it and see if he can get her to open up ??
Maybe have an all girl day and go shopping with her....while shopping casually bring up the subject and ask her what her thoughts are...let her know that you care about her and would love for her to be a part of all that is going on...then ask her again how she might feel about this...go from there. Even if you just leave things open for her to respond, at least you are trying and still letting her know that she is important (even if she may not want to be). Maybe she would love to help pick out her dress for the occasion...maybe by just 'shopping' together and spending some time together she may warm up to the idea...But I agree that you wouldn't want to come off as overbearing, pushy, or even demanding....I feel that you may just have to go slow and just 'feel' your way through this with her....
I know she likes me, but is not overly warm. She is a quiet almost shy girl, but is popular. She is a teenager about to be a senior so she does not really want to be around any adults at this point.
We told her we got engaged several months ago and the response was ';that's nice'; and nothing else. We had to ask if she wanted to see the ring. She glanced away from her myspace page long enough to take a peek and that was it.
I so badly want to share with her and be closer and have her take a part in the wedding in a manner she is comfortable. It is hard to know my boundaries with her. Since her mom died it is all a bit weird.
I have not brought it up again because I do not want her to feel uncomfortable. My finace mentioned it and got no reaction.
I am not sure what to do now. I was hoping she would want to be a part and am open to having her be a bridesmaid or for her to stand on her dad's side.
What should I do?
Perhaps she wants to just attend as a guest?
My mom remarried shortly after my dad died, I was 19, and I was furious and refused to attend. I showed up at the end of the wedding, drunk with a few sorority sisters ( immature ,I know,but that was a long time ago) So I feel Ihave to tread lightly.
Any advice?Fiance has teenage daughter who's mom died. I have wedding concerns and need advice.
I think that it's lovely that you want a relationship with her. I've been a step-daughter before and I have to say in the beginning you're very hesitant because you're not sure if this person is going to think they're your mother or overstep your boundaries. Perhaps her reaction is due to not being entirely sure where she'll fit into your 'new' life. Both you and your fiance need to make it clear that you want to form a family. It doesn't have to be nuclear, but it should be functional. Including her in the wedding planning and the ceremony itself is a good way to demonstrate this, but I also liked the suggestions that you try and plan outings with her, get to know her not as your fiance's daughter but just as a friend. There's no guarantee that she'll be thrilled about your attempts, but if you can say that you at least made them, I don't think you'll have any trouble sleeping at night.Good luck.Fiance has teenage daughter who's mom died. I have wedding concerns and need advice.
You can not force a relationship on his daughter but you can make it clear to her that you will be there if ever she needs you...She will come around All you can do is love her and show her that you care..Are you including her in your wedding?
i think you should tell her that you are not trying to replace her mom. you want to be her friend. and for the ceremony have a candle with her moms name on it. get her a locket with her moms pic in it and reassure her that you understand what she is going through.
all i can say is treat her the way you would want to be treated if your mother just died be compassionate toward her shes probably feeling very alone let her know your there for her if she needs but don't smoother her good luck
You seem to have your head screwed on straight, and understand that she is 17, she lost her mother, shes a teenager probably most interested in her friends, and shes balancing between 2 households. Your approach seems good. I would straight out ask her if she wants to be in the wedding or not. She might appreciate your candor. Give her a few options (bridesmaid, *groomsmaid*, regular guest) and if she doesnt respond right away just say ';Well you can think about it!';
Later on, you can gauge her interest in the event and if she shows any interest at all, get her involved with anything.
I'm guessing her non-interest has more to do with her missing her mom than not liking you. She probably hasn't really mourned properly at that age just because kids really don't know how to handle death. While she probably likes you, she may be trying to save her moms space so no one can take that over. I would be especially kind and listen, listen, listen. I would tell her again how much you would love her to be in the wedding and tell her it is her choice and she can think it over and let you know by the end of the week if she wants to do it. That way she can never say you didn't include her. Teens are hard anyway, I have 3. But this girl is the product of divorce, death of a parent, dealing with a step parent, and now a new step parent. It's a lot forr anyone to deal with.
Take her out to lunch and shopping and tell her how you feel. Tell her that you would like to be closer to her, and you know that it is tough because her mom died. Ask her how she feels about you and her dad getting married. Tell her that you aren't looking to take her mom's place.
Tell her that you are very excited to be marrying her father, and that you would like for her to be involved. Tell her you and her dad would love for her to be a bridesmaid. Offer her a couple of things to do and ask her if she would like to choose something, or if there is anything she would be interested in doing. Tell her she doesn't have to pick right then, but you need to know in a couple of weeks so you can start planning.
If she is quiet anyway, it's going to be tough. My niece is so quiet, I can barely get three words out of her. Just be patient and keep talking to her, but without harassing her about it.
Well, if she won't go out with you, make a girls' day breakfast. Pancakes or something she likes. Then sit down and have a talk with her. Some weekend morning (or afternoon as some teenagers get up) should work.
Hi. You are very observant and knowledgeable (from your own experience), so treading lightly is called for.
Perhaps you can invite her out to lunch. Try to feel her out. Tell her ';Missy, I am sure you really miss your mom. There is NO ONE who can take her place. Please know that I am not trying to take her place. I was wondering how you feel about your dad and I getting married and if you would want to participate in the wedding. I would love to have you as a bridesmaid....or stand next to your dad....whatever you feel comfortable with. So, let me know how you would feel about being a part of our wedding.';
I am sure she is missing her mom. I feel bad for her. She is at a very rough age. I am sure she is happy for you and not resentful...it's more that she misses her mom. Perhaps your fiance can speak with her also. This is a time when she will need both of you (even if she doesn't realize it now.)
You are very kind to seek advice before doing anything. Good luck to you and I hope everything works out for you and her.
I hope your wedding is a beautiful day!
She lost her mom last year and now she probably feels she's losing her dad................to you. You need to sit down and have a talk with her and tell her exactly how you feel about everything. Her dad, her mom dying, the wedding, her and life as her new step mom. It is the uncertainty that is probably troubling her most. Be sure she understands that you are not trying to take her moms place
Give her a few years to come around, she's 17 and probably wasn't that into the details about her own mother's life!
Ask her if she would like to be a bridemaid or would she prefer to be a guest at the wedding? Even if she is interested in being a bridesmaid, if she is shy, she would not want to risk rejection %26amp;/or doesn't want you to feel obligated to say yes.
Don't tread softly, just normally. She probably feels your trepidation but doesn't know you well enough yet to understand where you/it is coming from.
You need to keep pushing for a lunch together.
Teenagers are emotional and bitchy, she sounds like the type who is involved in her ';teenage'; life. Which is totally normal. It is hard to lose a parent, I am 21 and my mum died a few months ago suddenly. She is still going through A LOT.
You need to talk to her about how much she wants to be involved. TELL HER that you WANT her involved. Be open and honest.
Well, as you know its a hard road when you lose a parent while you are young..and her circumstances are different in the aspect of her mother and father never being together. My guess is that she is feeling as though she doesnt know if she is here or there with living with the step dad.
My mum died when i was 13, dad remarried about 3 years later and I hated the thought of it. It was dad who talked to me in the end when i was reblling against the step mother. His words to me were '; I loved your mum and will always love your mum, I miss your mum so much even though Ive met colleen and found companionship again...all i ask of you is that you be happy for me and accept *** (stepmum) as part of my life.';
When i realised I was affecting my dads happiness i saw it all in a new light and although i was never ';close'; with her we were still friends which made life a lot easier.
Maybe the issue here is the relationship between father and daughter, and she could see you as another ';interference'; sorry i know that sounds harsh but its a reality...
Maybe you could talk to your fiance about it and see if he can get her to open up ??
Maybe have an all girl day and go shopping with her....while shopping casually bring up the subject and ask her what her thoughts are...let her know that you care about her and would love for her to be a part of all that is going on...then ask her again how she might feel about this...go from there. Even if you just leave things open for her to respond, at least you are trying and still letting her know that she is important (even if she may not want to be). Maybe she would love to help pick out her dress for the occasion...maybe by just 'shopping' together and spending some time together she may warm up to the idea...But I agree that you wouldn't want to come off as overbearing, pushy, or even demanding....I feel that you may just have to go slow and just 'feel' your way through this with her....
Need some advice. How would you approach the strict Christian parents of a teenage girl about allowing her?
to participate in a youth boxing league?
I've not asked them yet. If they say no when I do, I will not push the issue. The girl is 15, and she really wants to do this. She's not as much worried about her parents being opposed to the boxing part of it (though that is a concern) as she is about how they will react to her having to wear shorts or sweat pants. She's asked me to speak to them for her. I've agreed, but warned her that I will not argue with her parents' decision. I've got only one shot at this. I'd like to go into the conversation with some idea of what to say to convince them. Any ideas would be appreciated, as I'd love to see this girl do something she obviously enjoys very much. Thanks.Need some advice. How would you approach the strict Christian parents of a teenage girl about allowing her?
There should be a way to compromise. She is not the only young lady who has experienced this problem, and many others have come up with solutions.
There is an entire fashion industry devoted to supplying modest athletic wear for orthodox women. A pair of loose culottes would be modest but still allow her the range of movement she needs to box. Check out the link below for examples.Need some advice. How would you approach the strict Christian parents of a teenage girl about allowing her?
Still it's a butt out matter. A girl, at 15, is still under the close care of her family. They are entirely responsible for her unbringing and her well-being.
Tell the parents that the girl really wants to do boxing. That's it basically, and that as parents, you feel they should support their daughter's commitment to the sport. If they are opposed to the clothes she is going to wear, you really can't do anything against that, since most strict Christian parents are immovable.
I would ask if they have the money for dr. lawyers and ear specialists. plastic surgey and male sex change the last one is a joke...
parents have o look at it all when the girl is 18 and could pay for all the afore mentioned then she could destroy her temple. as long as it is my dime no way... if her concern is shorts I think she is not thinking clearly...
If she's 15, she'd be better served to do it herself. If you can't stand up to your parents at 15, when can you?
If you have to, bring up the self-defense aspect, and camaraderie.
I'm sure that a compromise can be reached and I hope that the parents wouldn't be so narrow minded, they can protect and care about their daughter without hindering her in an unnecessary way.
show them pictures of wrestling singlets. maybe they might think shorts aren't that bad.
here are some good ones
http://www.singlets.com/
Just frame it as an opportunity to box for god.
whats wrong with sports... go up to her parents and ask them if thier daugter can join the Mike Tyson boxing club.
Boxing causes brain damage.
Don't. Getting punched in the nose is a bad idea. Been there, done that, it's overrated.
She needs to be a warrior for Jesus if she wants to fight. There are plenty of devils to fight. Everything that young girls want to do is not necessarily good for them. Who pays the doctor bills if she gets hurt and has to go to the hospital? Who takes care of her if she gets hurt. These are things to consider. You're asking her parents to take on the medical bills, etc. She doesn't need to make a spectacle of herself in a boxing ring. As to approaching her parents, ask them to pray about their daughter participating in a youth boxing league. Be respectful. Approach them and say, ';could you please pray about allowing (girl's name) to participate in a youth boxing league.'; Then tell them details about the league. Where it is, who is participating, what the girls will wear, etc.
I took my sons to a Christian Karate club when they were young. It was mostly Christian. It was a good wittness format also.
Perhaps ask them to pray about it, and not give an answer right away. That would put them on the spot and would likley say no. But with prayer, they will get a chance to hear from the daughter in a private way. I wish you Gods Grace as sports does so much for esteem and health.
Most important thing you can do is support her in what may be her anguish over being compelled to comply with her parent's wishes she not box.
Let's face it, it's not just christian parents, or strict christian parents who might object to their daughter participating in a boxing league.
You sound like you'll be just fine- don't subborn a root of bitterness in this girl please.
I'd stress the positives that this experience would give her. She'd definitely keep fit, which is a huge plus--and it will channel a lot of that negative teen energy.
I don't know much about boxing, but I DO know about martial arts. Martial arts really give kids a discipline that is wonderful, imposed both externally and internally. They learn to accept someone else's authority, to give respect, etc. My son had been in karate for about 2 months when I asked him to take out the trash. He answered, ';Yes, ma'am,'; and then we both stopped, reeled a little, looked at each other and said together, ';WHOA.'; Because he called me Ma'am. THAT was a first, and it came directly from karate.
I ended up taking karate, too, and can't say enough about it. Ironically enough--especially since I'm answering this post!--I no longer take martial arts....for religious reasons. Because of my particular brand of a particular religion, I don't wear pants, and I don't touch men. Both of these are issues in a sport like boxing or martial arts. Still, I'm trying to figure out a way to work around these prohibitions, because I found the whole experience to be so good for both me %26amp; my kids.
So--I think you're right to accept their decision, no matter what. But you should stress the positives--the physical fitness, the channeling of energy in a POSITIVE way, and above all, the incredible discipline.
Well, I have no idea, but My son is into boxing, he has already preached his first sermon in church, and he has taught his 15 year old sister some boxing lessons, I put up a punching bag for them to hit, and taught them some stuff, the best I could tell you is suggest that it's good to know self defense, and make sure that you and your friend mention that they won't use it to bully anybody, and will only use it in emergency self defense.
I can't see what's wrong with wearing shorts or sweat pants. Unless they belong to a weird branch of Christianity where it's skirts only for women and even swimsuits are out of the question (I can't imagine why sweat pants should be objectionable).
I would first find out what particular denomination the parents subscribe too, they don't sound like a mainstream christian ones. That will give you a better idea what arguments they might find acceptable.
PS. OK, if they have no problems with shorts or baggy pants and the daughter thinks they mainly will have problems with clothing not the sport as such, I would not anticipate too much problems. Also the daughter must have been exposed to the sport in order to be enthusiastic about it, so they can't have been too strict about it. Maybe it will have to do more with the time commitment required and her grades in school. With all the childhood/youth obesity press, that may be an angle to pursue, also self defense for girls might be of value.
I would not do this. It is one thing for parents to keep too close a hand on an 19- or 21-year-old, but a girl, at 15, is still under the close care of her family. They are entirely responsible for her unbringing and her well-being.
Some branches of evangelical and fundamentalist Christianity, such as many Independent Baptists, do insist on modest but attractive and feminine dresses for girls. Sweat pants, while not immodest in the same sense, are often viewed as non-feminine. I would think they would view boxing in the same non-feminine light.
A 15-year-old does not always make the best decisions for herself. Wise parents do not expect to place the same restrictions on a 15-year-old as they would on a 12-year-old, but still we have to assume, and encourage the teen to respect, that her parents know better than she does what's best for her.
You say ';you'; would love to see this girl do something she obviously enjoys very much. But ';you'; are not her parents. My daughter would enjoy very much to not take piano lessons and spend her afternoons watching TV.
Which is better for her in the long run 鈥?her teenage view or her parents' older and wiser view? We require piano just as much as we require math.
If they are abusing her, you have the duty to call social services. If not, you have the duty to stay out of what is strictly a family matter.
If you truly want her to stand up and ';be her own woman'; then you would encourage her to approach her parents herself. If you are just asserting peer pressure on her, you are her problem, not her solution.puffy eye cream
I've not asked them yet. If they say no when I do, I will not push the issue. The girl is 15, and she really wants to do this. She's not as much worried about her parents being opposed to the boxing part of it (though that is a concern) as she is about how they will react to her having to wear shorts or sweat pants. She's asked me to speak to them for her. I've agreed, but warned her that I will not argue with her parents' decision. I've got only one shot at this. I'd like to go into the conversation with some idea of what to say to convince them. Any ideas would be appreciated, as I'd love to see this girl do something she obviously enjoys very much. Thanks.Need some advice. How would you approach the strict Christian parents of a teenage girl about allowing her?
There should be a way to compromise. She is not the only young lady who has experienced this problem, and many others have come up with solutions.
There is an entire fashion industry devoted to supplying modest athletic wear for orthodox women. A pair of loose culottes would be modest but still allow her the range of movement she needs to box. Check out the link below for examples.Need some advice. How would you approach the strict Christian parents of a teenage girl about allowing her?
Still it's a butt out matter. A girl, at 15, is still under the close care of her family. They are entirely responsible for her unbringing and her well-being.
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Tell the parents that the girl really wants to do boxing. That's it basically, and that as parents, you feel they should support their daughter's commitment to the sport. If they are opposed to the clothes she is going to wear, you really can't do anything against that, since most strict Christian parents are immovable.
I would ask if they have the money for dr. lawyers and ear specialists. plastic surgey and male sex change the last one is a joke...
parents have o look at it all when the girl is 18 and could pay for all the afore mentioned then she could destroy her temple. as long as it is my dime no way... if her concern is shorts I think she is not thinking clearly...
If she's 15, she'd be better served to do it herself. If you can't stand up to your parents at 15, when can you?
If you have to, bring up the self-defense aspect, and camaraderie.
I'm sure that a compromise can be reached and I hope that the parents wouldn't be so narrow minded, they can protect and care about their daughter without hindering her in an unnecessary way.
show them pictures of wrestling singlets. maybe they might think shorts aren't that bad.
here are some good ones
http://www.singlets.com/
Just frame it as an opportunity to box for god.
whats wrong with sports... go up to her parents and ask them if thier daugter can join the Mike Tyson boxing club.
Boxing causes brain damage.
Don't. Getting punched in the nose is a bad idea. Been there, done that, it's overrated.
She needs to be a warrior for Jesus if she wants to fight. There are plenty of devils to fight. Everything that young girls want to do is not necessarily good for them. Who pays the doctor bills if she gets hurt and has to go to the hospital? Who takes care of her if she gets hurt. These are things to consider. You're asking her parents to take on the medical bills, etc. She doesn't need to make a spectacle of herself in a boxing ring. As to approaching her parents, ask them to pray about their daughter participating in a youth boxing league. Be respectful. Approach them and say, ';could you please pray about allowing (girl's name) to participate in a youth boxing league.'; Then tell them details about the league. Where it is, who is participating, what the girls will wear, etc.
I took my sons to a Christian Karate club when they were young. It was mostly Christian. It was a good wittness format also.
Perhaps ask them to pray about it, and not give an answer right away. That would put them on the spot and would likley say no. But with prayer, they will get a chance to hear from the daughter in a private way. I wish you Gods Grace as sports does so much for esteem and health.
Most important thing you can do is support her in what may be her anguish over being compelled to comply with her parent's wishes she not box.
Let's face it, it's not just christian parents, or strict christian parents who might object to their daughter participating in a boxing league.
You sound like you'll be just fine- don't subborn a root of bitterness in this girl please.
I'd stress the positives that this experience would give her. She'd definitely keep fit, which is a huge plus--and it will channel a lot of that negative teen energy.
I don't know much about boxing, but I DO know about martial arts. Martial arts really give kids a discipline that is wonderful, imposed both externally and internally. They learn to accept someone else's authority, to give respect, etc. My son had been in karate for about 2 months when I asked him to take out the trash. He answered, ';Yes, ma'am,'; and then we both stopped, reeled a little, looked at each other and said together, ';WHOA.'; Because he called me Ma'am. THAT was a first, and it came directly from karate.
I ended up taking karate, too, and can't say enough about it. Ironically enough--especially since I'm answering this post!--I no longer take martial arts....for religious reasons. Because of my particular brand of a particular religion, I don't wear pants, and I don't touch men. Both of these are issues in a sport like boxing or martial arts. Still, I'm trying to figure out a way to work around these prohibitions, because I found the whole experience to be so good for both me %26amp; my kids.
So--I think you're right to accept their decision, no matter what. But you should stress the positives--the physical fitness, the channeling of energy in a POSITIVE way, and above all, the incredible discipline.
Well, I have no idea, but My son is into boxing, he has already preached his first sermon in church, and he has taught his 15 year old sister some boxing lessons, I put up a punching bag for them to hit, and taught them some stuff, the best I could tell you is suggest that it's good to know self defense, and make sure that you and your friend mention that they won't use it to bully anybody, and will only use it in emergency self defense.
I can't see what's wrong with wearing shorts or sweat pants. Unless they belong to a weird branch of Christianity where it's skirts only for women and even swimsuits are out of the question (I can't imagine why sweat pants should be objectionable).
I would first find out what particular denomination the parents subscribe too, they don't sound like a mainstream christian ones. That will give you a better idea what arguments they might find acceptable.
PS. OK, if they have no problems with shorts or baggy pants and the daughter thinks they mainly will have problems with clothing not the sport as such, I would not anticipate too much problems. Also the daughter must have been exposed to the sport in order to be enthusiastic about it, so they can't have been too strict about it. Maybe it will have to do more with the time commitment required and her grades in school. With all the childhood/youth obesity press, that may be an angle to pursue, also self defense for girls might be of value.
I would not do this. It is one thing for parents to keep too close a hand on an 19- or 21-year-old, but a girl, at 15, is still under the close care of her family. They are entirely responsible for her unbringing and her well-being.
Some branches of evangelical and fundamentalist Christianity, such as many Independent Baptists, do insist on modest but attractive and feminine dresses for girls. Sweat pants, while not immodest in the same sense, are often viewed as non-feminine. I would think they would view boxing in the same non-feminine light.
A 15-year-old does not always make the best decisions for herself. Wise parents do not expect to place the same restrictions on a 15-year-old as they would on a 12-year-old, but still we have to assume, and encourage the teen to respect, that her parents know better than she does what's best for her.
You say ';you'; would love to see this girl do something she obviously enjoys very much. But ';you'; are not her parents. My daughter would enjoy very much to not take piano lessons and spend her afternoons watching TV.
Which is better for her in the long run 鈥?her teenage view or her parents' older and wiser view? We require piano just as much as we require math.
If they are abusing her, you have the duty to call social services. If not, you have the duty to stay out of what is strictly a family matter.
If you truly want her to stand up and ';be her own woman'; then you would encourage her to approach her parents herself. If you are just asserting peer pressure on her, you are her problem, not her solution.
I see this website has a parent-help/advice section, so I need help with my 2 teenage daughters. too harsh?
My daughter is 17, and my step-daughter is 16 (my wife and I have full custody of them both, they live with us full time). They are both the wild type and we have been having many problems lately with both of them skipping school, cursing out the teachers, getting detentions/suspended, getting in fights at school (both are in the 11th grade), staying out way past curfew, drinking, smoking, sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing money and our cars, partying, harrasing their younger siblings, constant bad attitudes, and we think the younger is having sex (she won't admit it though). We have tried everything, strong restrictions, grounding, yelling, and nothing has worked. So, when they came home last Friday at 2 in the morning, i told them 1 more thing, whether it be a missed curfew, a detention, or swearing at their sister. 1 more thing, and they were spending their whole entire summer at my older brothers ranch in Oklahoma. i'm having second thoughts now. too harsh? advice?I see this website has a parent-help/advice section, so I need help with my 2 teenage daughters. too harsh?
Not too harsh they should learn that they will get consequences for bad behavior I am 18.. and have done nothing at all to upset my mom or dad except once when I went to a friends house without asking you have to be more strict they are doing these things to test you see what you will do.. this means that they think you're weak and your idea of strict is really just like partying with an old grandpa.. come up with unique ways to teach them a lesson and to get them both out of trouble ... the thing I said about the grandpa thing don't take it to offense just think about what I am trying to say..I see this website has a parent-help/advice section, so I need help with my 2 teenage daughters. too harsh?
Is your brother likely to be able to reign in their bad behavior? If so, fantastic - because you don't have much time to fix this problem. If not then you are just pushing off your problem onto someone else. The only other problem is that summer is 4 months away. That's alot of time to get into trouble. How about sending them there to work over spring break? Maybe give them a taste of what summer would be like.
Also, would it be better to split them up? maybe they are feeding off of each other?
Another thought is that you need to quit threatening and start doing. If they come home late, then they can't go out. If they sneak out then you sleep infront of their door. If they smoke then they have to run (that will show them how bad their lung capacity is) or work in the hospital with the lung cancer patients. If they are drinking, turn them in to the police. If they are stealing money and cars - let them spend a night in jail. Seriously - this is not petty stuff. This is serious. They need counceling, firm parenting and a LOT of prayer.
You could always do what my uncle did for his stepson (raised him from age 5) - he made him go ';Amish'; : no electricity, no phone, no car, no tv, basically nothing. And then he put him to work - hard work. It worked for him - he went into the military and turned his life around.
Good luck, sounds like you have your hands full.
That sounds like a great idea!
i dont know about it being too harsh but i do know its not your brothers responsibility to deal with your/their problems and you cant just send your daughters off somewhere because you cant get them to listen to you...
I don't think this is too harsh you are doing what you have to do to keep you daughts safe. They may not see it that way now but they will. I grew up giving my parents a hell of a time too and they put me to work at the family buisness. I was so tired sometime that sleeping was all i wanted to do instead of going out. One time I did go out and drank and it was horrible but my parents pulled me out of bed at 7am to go to work they told me the world dont stop for my hangovers and they don't feel sorry for me if i want to drink like an adult they will treat me like one (i was 16). Before they made me start working i had it made i slept in, mom did my laundry, she cooked, cleaned, I never had to do anything, maybe i had to much time on my hands. I thank my parents all the time for teaching me responsibilty,respect and good work ethics. I could see myself in the situations that some of those people i use to hang out.... with no education, dead end jobs or on welfare.if my parents didn't intervine i would possible be in that situation.
so yes give them something to do to fill their time up ,,,yes they still need time for fun but there is a time for that.Teenagers think they know all and can do it all and they think that nothing will happen to them.
Well Dad hand them a little taste of the real world . So NO No don't back down if they break a rule do what u said u would stick to it if you don't they will see that you just try and scare them with empty threats and that you would never really do anything about their behaviour. Good Luck to you%26amp;your wife, u can do it.
They will realize soon that you have their best interest at heart you love them and want to protect them from the harmful and dangerous desions they have been making. Let them know you love them say it and say i love you too them all the time and they need and want hugs %26amp;kiss too. they need to be assured that their family is there for them.Spend more time with them doing family things. Maybe they are screaming for your attention i know i was screaming by acting up all the time. i wanted to be seen and heard even if it was in a negative way. My parents heard me and did something about it.And We have a great realtionship now.
no wasnt to harsh. why u waiting til summer? i have a 17yr old and i thank god daily that shes a good kid. i see her peers and know what kind of crap they get into. u need to set rules and stick by them. curfew here is 11 and my daughter knows she isnt home then and i get no phone call im calling the cops. maybe u need to send urs to visit a jail house or a morgue. sounds tough but its called tough love for a reason. they want to smoke then visit a nursing home let them meet an elder dying from smoking. they having sex take them to the health department and get them on the pill and condoms. theres tons of things u can do to show them this is what will happen if u stay on the road ur on.... its up to the parents to show the children the right way. we have to do everything in our power to teach them so they live out in the world without us when they are adults. its our job to teach and shw examples sounds like urs need some examples thrown at their faces QUICK...good luck
I think this is definitely a Perfect Idea make sure you stick to your guns though if you don't they will know they can get away this stuff all the time and you will do nothing so I say it's a great idea!
that's not harsh at all , but do you really wanna put your brother through all that??? threaten to homeschool them or send them to a border school...all girls, uniforms, and no freedom. worked on my wild and crazy sister!!! lol. good luck
I'm 23 and I say do it they have put you through alot! However it may backfire on you they may find more trouble out their. Being a newly reformed teen w a bad attitude I would put them in therapy bc of the divorce. My sis and I had lots of trouble bc of my rents split she had therapy and has done a 360. I'm pregnat w my first so I neede to change for more obvious reasons. Oh ya and my sis is 17 they're going through alot plus the stuff bc of moving and maybe feeling abandoned? Now you cant force conversation but keep them going and they should break down and talk. Also if they are really bad you can get dys involved and then all will be court mandated. Now this isn't as bad as it sounds. My sis got caught smoking at school and then cops got involved she now doesn't see her social worker she had a choice to stop bc her grades were good and her drug tests were clear. So she became responsible and they allowed her at 17 to stop seeing her worker. She is now involved in youth group and going to help New Orleans to help Habitat for Hummanity! Don't worry how harsh the punishment you need to save these childre who will soon be on their own and then they will get into big trouble in the real world. Also you don't want it rubbing off of your younger kids bc the older ones dont get in trouble! Hope this helps if you want email me!!
it sounds like you are doing all you can to help them. Counseling can only go so far particularly if they are being resistive. You certainly are not being a bad parent by placing restrictions on them and letting them know what their consequences will be if they choose to continue to make bad choices. First and foremost I think you need to follow through no matter what. You can use the time they are away to recharge yourself and they can learn something valuable by working. I would also do what I could now. alarm your doors and windows so you stop the sneaking out. No friends, time away from home, etc until theirs an improvement in behavior and grades. It's sad that it has to come to this but it's their choice to act the way they are doing. You as a parent have a responsibility to them to show them their are consequences for making bad choices. It's a tough road to be on but I think at this point you have no other choice but to show tough love. Keep your chin up, you're doing what is right for them. That makes you a good parent.
Sir you are not being harsh at all. At 16 and 17 they should not be doing haif the stuff they are doing. the only thing is that you have given them to many warnings. you see when you keep warning them and warning them all you are doing to them is like giving them a pat on the hand and saying bad girl thats naughty. you have to show them whoose boss. now you don't have to be harsh with them but you have to give them a firm hand. you need to show your girls what can happen to them if they keep trowing thier life away with this drinking and smoking a crap. Sir you need to take action before it is to late.
Take a pipe to they're heads, beat some sense into them
Hi..I have been working with ';youth at risk'; for about 15 years. Sounds like times are very tough for you and your girls. Have they been to therapy? Perhaps there are other things going on in their lives that they are not sharing. Another one of my ideas is...do you have a juvenile detention center in your area? Let them take a tour..see how their actions could possibly affect their lives. Im a firm believer in natural logical consequences....take away their ';fun stuff'; (iPODS, computers etc..) Give them heavy labor to do.
Or heck...send them to your brother if you think he could help them realize what they are doing. Oklahoma? Thats punishment alone!! (im kidding) Does he farm? They could work on his ranch? Just some suggestions...
Sorry, but not harsh enough. They need a lot more rules...starting with being respectful. Try talking openly with both of them. let them know how much you love them and that you want them to have a happy full life, but that they need to learn how to respect themselves, you %26amp; your wife, and well - everybody!! you can't help them grow into responsible adults the way they are headed. make some boundries - together. then you %26amp; your wife need to stick to it.
Your girls are almost grown, and will be moving on to college soon. they need to learn how to take care of themselves and how to deal with adults, teachers, bosses in a way that will benefit them, not make life harder.
The ranch sounds like a fun trip for al 4 of you to do together. We have a small piece of land we take our kids to for the weekend (every couple of months or so) and it really helps bring us together as a family, and enjoy the time together. I think we all let our gaurd down a little when we are away..and it really helps our relationship when we get back home.
Good luck!!! :)
Not harsh at all, Try looking into a place called the Youth Challenge. Whatever state you are in just type your state and youth challenge. It is a free military type school. Hard core boot camp. I sent two of my daughters there and it worked wonders. Good luck
Edit:
I see where you are coming from and I think you are being 100% fair to them. This is for there own good, and they WILL see this later on. Working on a ranch could bring out the best in them. You are not spending them away because you ';can't handle it'; you are doing so as a sort of self-therapy.
Follow through with your choice!
Original:
I had a ';wild'; side as a teenager and my parents threatened to send me to there friends ranch in the middle of no where, it worked a little, but strong parenting skills, listening to them and realizing this is all a cry for attention is a big key.
My mom screwed my windows shut so I couldn't sneak out, would sleep in front of the doors, home schooled me.
I bless her for all her hard work now. My parents are the reason I just celebrated my 21st birthday. There strict presistant parenting kept me a live.
Also consider family and individual therapy for them. It sounds like ther are deeper issues here.
thats not to harsh i was the same way. i'm 21 now i have change bcause my mom got sick of me and called the cops and let me spend 3 nights in jail! lol it worked
Not too harsh they should learn that they will get consequences for bad behavior I am 18.. and have done nothing at all to upset my mom or dad except once when I went to a friends house without asking you have to be more strict they are doing these things to test you see what you will do.. this means that they think you're weak and your idea of strict is really just like partying with an old grandpa.. come up with unique ways to teach them a lesson and to get them both out of trouble ... the thing I said about the grandpa thing don't take it to offense just think about what I am trying to say..I see this website has a parent-help/advice section, so I need help with my 2 teenage daughters. too harsh?
Is your brother likely to be able to reign in their bad behavior? If so, fantastic - because you don't have much time to fix this problem. If not then you are just pushing off your problem onto someone else. The only other problem is that summer is 4 months away. That's alot of time to get into trouble. How about sending them there to work over spring break? Maybe give them a taste of what summer would be like.
Also, would it be better to split them up? maybe they are feeding off of each other?
Another thought is that you need to quit threatening and start doing. If they come home late, then they can't go out. If they sneak out then you sleep infront of their door. If they smoke then they have to run (that will show them how bad their lung capacity is) or work in the hospital with the lung cancer patients. If they are drinking, turn them in to the police. If they are stealing money and cars - let them spend a night in jail. Seriously - this is not petty stuff. This is serious. They need counceling, firm parenting and a LOT of prayer.
You could always do what my uncle did for his stepson (raised him from age 5) - he made him go ';Amish'; : no electricity, no phone, no car, no tv, basically nothing. And then he put him to work - hard work. It worked for him - he went into the military and turned his life around.
Good luck, sounds like you have your hands full.
That sounds like a great idea!
i dont know about it being too harsh but i do know its not your brothers responsibility to deal with your/their problems and you cant just send your daughters off somewhere because you cant get them to listen to you...
I don't think this is too harsh you are doing what you have to do to keep you daughts safe. They may not see it that way now but they will. I grew up giving my parents a hell of a time too and they put me to work at the family buisness. I was so tired sometime that sleeping was all i wanted to do instead of going out. One time I did go out and drank and it was horrible but my parents pulled me out of bed at 7am to go to work they told me the world dont stop for my hangovers and they don't feel sorry for me if i want to drink like an adult they will treat me like one (i was 16). Before they made me start working i had it made i slept in, mom did my laundry, she cooked, cleaned, I never had to do anything, maybe i had to much time on my hands. I thank my parents all the time for teaching me responsibilty,respect and good work ethics. I could see myself in the situations that some of those people i use to hang out.... with no education, dead end jobs or on welfare.if my parents didn't intervine i would possible be in that situation.
so yes give them something to do to fill their time up ,,,yes they still need time for fun but there is a time for that.Teenagers think they know all and can do it all and they think that nothing will happen to them.
Well Dad hand them a little taste of the real world . So NO No don't back down if they break a rule do what u said u would stick to it if you don't they will see that you just try and scare them with empty threats and that you would never really do anything about their behaviour. Good Luck to you%26amp;your wife, u can do it.
They will realize soon that you have their best interest at heart you love them and want to protect them from the harmful and dangerous desions they have been making. Let them know you love them say it and say i love you too them all the time and they need and want hugs %26amp;kiss too. they need to be assured that their family is there for them.Spend more time with them doing family things. Maybe they are screaming for your attention i know i was screaming by acting up all the time. i wanted to be seen and heard even if it was in a negative way. My parents heard me and did something about it.And We have a great realtionship now.
no wasnt to harsh. why u waiting til summer? i have a 17yr old and i thank god daily that shes a good kid. i see her peers and know what kind of crap they get into. u need to set rules and stick by them. curfew here is 11 and my daughter knows she isnt home then and i get no phone call im calling the cops. maybe u need to send urs to visit a jail house or a morgue. sounds tough but its called tough love for a reason. they want to smoke then visit a nursing home let them meet an elder dying from smoking. they having sex take them to the health department and get them on the pill and condoms. theres tons of things u can do to show them this is what will happen if u stay on the road ur on.... its up to the parents to show the children the right way. we have to do everything in our power to teach them so they live out in the world without us when they are adults. its our job to teach and shw examples sounds like urs need some examples thrown at their faces QUICK...good luck
I think this is definitely a Perfect Idea make sure you stick to your guns though if you don't they will know they can get away this stuff all the time and you will do nothing so I say it's a great idea!
that's not harsh at all , but do you really wanna put your brother through all that??? threaten to homeschool them or send them to a border school...all girls, uniforms, and no freedom. worked on my wild and crazy sister!!! lol. good luck
I'm 23 and I say do it they have put you through alot! However it may backfire on you they may find more trouble out their. Being a newly reformed teen w a bad attitude I would put them in therapy bc of the divorce. My sis and I had lots of trouble bc of my rents split she had therapy and has done a 360. I'm pregnat w my first so I neede to change for more obvious reasons. Oh ya and my sis is 17 they're going through alot plus the stuff bc of moving and maybe feeling abandoned? Now you cant force conversation but keep them going and they should break down and talk. Also if they are really bad you can get dys involved and then all will be court mandated. Now this isn't as bad as it sounds. My sis got caught smoking at school and then cops got involved she now doesn't see her social worker she had a choice to stop bc her grades were good and her drug tests were clear. So she became responsible and they allowed her at 17 to stop seeing her worker. She is now involved in youth group and going to help New Orleans to help Habitat for Hummanity! Don't worry how harsh the punishment you need to save these childre who will soon be on their own and then they will get into big trouble in the real world. Also you don't want it rubbing off of your younger kids bc the older ones dont get in trouble! Hope this helps if you want email me!!
it sounds like you are doing all you can to help them. Counseling can only go so far particularly if they are being resistive. You certainly are not being a bad parent by placing restrictions on them and letting them know what their consequences will be if they choose to continue to make bad choices. First and foremost I think you need to follow through no matter what. You can use the time they are away to recharge yourself and they can learn something valuable by working. I would also do what I could now. alarm your doors and windows so you stop the sneaking out. No friends, time away from home, etc until theirs an improvement in behavior and grades. It's sad that it has to come to this but it's their choice to act the way they are doing. You as a parent have a responsibility to them to show them their are consequences for making bad choices. It's a tough road to be on but I think at this point you have no other choice but to show tough love. Keep your chin up, you're doing what is right for them. That makes you a good parent.
Sir you are not being harsh at all. At 16 and 17 they should not be doing haif the stuff they are doing. the only thing is that you have given them to many warnings. you see when you keep warning them and warning them all you are doing to them is like giving them a pat on the hand and saying bad girl thats naughty. you have to show them whoose boss. now you don't have to be harsh with them but you have to give them a firm hand. you need to show your girls what can happen to them if they keep trowing thier life away with this drinking and smoking a crap. Sir you need to take action before it is to late.
Take a pipe to they're heads, beat some sense into them
Hi..I have been working with ';youth at risk'; for about 15 years. Sounds like times are very tough for you and your girls. Have they been to therapy? Perhaps there are other things going on in their lives that they are not sharing. Another one of my ideas is...do you have a juvenile detention center in your area? Let them take a tour..see how their actions could possibly affect their lives. Im a firm believer in natural logical consequences....take away their ';fun stuff'; (iPODS, computers etc..) Give them heavy labor to do.
Or heck...send them to your brother if you think he could help them realize what they are doing. Oklahoma? Thats punishment alone!! (im kidding) Does he farm? They could work on his ranch? Just some suggestions...
Sorry, but not harsh enough. They need a lot more rules...starting with being respectful. Try talking openly with both of them. let them know how much you love them and that you want them to have a happy full life, but that they need to learn how to respect themselves, you %26amp; your wife, and well - everybody!! you can't help them grow into responsible adults the way they are headed. make some boundries - together. then you %26amp; your wife need to stick to it.
Your girls are almost grown, and will be moving on to college soon. they need to learn how to take care of themselves and how to deal with adults, teachers, bosses in a way that will benefit them, not make life harder.
The ranch sounds like a fun trip for al 4 of you to do together. We have a small piece of land we take our kids to for the weekend (every couple of months or so) and it really helps bring us together as a family, and enjoy the time together. I think we all let our gaurd down a little when we are away..and it really helps our relationship when we get back home.
Good luck!!! :)
Not harsh at all, Try looking into a place called the Youth Challenge. Whatever state you are in just type your state and youth challenge. It is a free military type school. Hard core boot camp. I sent two of my daughters there and it worked wonders. Good luck
Edit:
I see where you are coming from and I think you are being 100% fair to them. This is for there own good, and they WILL see this later on. Working on a ranch could bring out the best in them. You are not spending them away because you ';can't handle it'; you are doing so as a sort of self-therapy.
Follow through with your choice!
Original:
I had a ';wild'; side as a teenager and my parents threatened to send me to there friends ranch in the middle of no where, it worked a little, but strong parenting skills, listening to them and realizing this is all a cry for attention is a big key.
My mom screwed my windows shut so I couldn't sneak out, would sleep in front of the doors, home schooled me.
I bless her for all her hard work now. My parents are the reason I just celebrated my 21st birthday. There strict presistant parenting kept me a live.
Also consider family and individual therapy for them. It sounds like ther are deeper issues here.
thats not to harsh i was the same way. i'm 21 now i have change bcause my mom got sick of me and called the cops and let me spend 3 nights in jail! lol it worked
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